Full Circle Friends

Susan & Robin friends since 1957 - 56 years friends!

Yup, I've known Robin Warshaw since we were pups! Childhood buddies, we met at Pennypacker Elementary School on Washington Lane and Upsal Sts., in West Oak Lane, Philadelphia. Robin's parents hosted the coolest Halloween Parties, so it's funny and fitting that she'd visit me this time of year. Umm, well, actually I'm lucky since I live literally across the Mississippi River from Robin's daughter, Becca, who is a freshman at the University of Minnesota. Really really great karma!

Becca and Mom

So when Parents Weekend was coming up I asked Robin to stay with me for a long weekend of sharing her excitement at watching Becca's remarkable transformation to a super together young university freshman while we get to reminisce about our own childhood, high school and university days.

Robin in my office/guest room. That's our high school graduation photo over her right shoulder!

Due to the peculiar gerrymandering of boundaries during our childhood, I attended elementary school with Rob, but we spilt ways during Junior High, me going to Leeds in Mt. Airy and she Wagner Jr. High. Ahh, but we caught up again becoming a part of the Heavenly 211ly graduating class of 1967 from the legendary Philadelphia High School for Girls. 

 My 100% accidental seat for the orchestra's performance! 

Becca's good friend is in the University Band - they did a bang up job!

Go figure that the first night of Robin's visit, we met Becca for dinner then attended a concert by her good friend who was in the band. Once seated we looked down and lo and behold I was in seat 211, our class number. Totally funny!

Robin went away for university and I moved into a rather dicey resident situation for my first year. Happily, Robin and ran into each other when she decided to return to Philly to attend Temple University, my alma mater. We became roommates in 1968, remaining together until 1970. 

Chris smiling, Becca glowering

Pretty amazing how in a good lifecycle, we come full circle. Now Becca is exploring her world, wings fully spread, circling all that life can offer. She has made great new friends, works very hard at school, and seems to like Minnesota a lot, which is good, since her beloved Aunt Ellie made her home here and she has family who love her. For me, it's simply a big, big blessing to be able to host my life long friend, see her wonderful girl grow into a truly remarkable young woman, and to ride the waves of friendship. 

Maastricht Revisited4:Visiting vs. vacation

Visiting friends implies being present with them – having intent to connect, converse and hopefully deepen relations. My relationships are oxygen – my lifeblood, my center.

Moving into my third and fourth weeks here the theme for me is truly about connecting and deepening.

A few things have become apparent to me during this return trip. Surely they may have already been apparent to my many friends and family earlier. Martijn’s illness caused a major disruption in the very fabric of my soul that shattered everything and left me only enough presence to dedicate myself to him during his final months.

My European relationships were so critical to my day-to-day healing. I cocooned here in Maastricht. My family and friends here allowed stark authenticity in my grief. I now see how comfortable and valuable these relationships are.

And the place itself – Maastricht. Magical, medieval Maastricht. Where the bones of Martijn’s body lie peacefully under a verdant, Zen-like, even whimsical grave. My name and photo are linked on that reverent site. I am linked to this place as much, or more than to my other homes. And this trip has sealed that consciousness.

Trip to Amsterdam/Rotterdam

One reason for timing of my trip to the Netherlands was to catch the ninth annual free Sporenburg performance of my dear friend, Herman Rouw. Each year Herman and Ton finance this outdoor concert at the tip of the Sporenburg ‘island’ 10 minutes east of central Amsterdam as a gift to the neighborhood. This year Herman selected a number of Dutch composers for his piano recital. I asked Ingrid Regout to accompany me to Amsterdam for the performance and we made a nice weekend tour.

Ingrid and I hop a train from Maastricht to Amsterdam Central

Murder at the Lloyd! We book a room at the Lloyd Hotel located in the “eastern Docklands” where Herman will be performing on Saturday evening, September 3rd. The Hotel is tauted as incredibly forward design, but we found our room a bit over-priced and oppressive. Here’s the designer rug serving as a murder scene!

Happily we took Saturday’s summery weather and made an extensive walking tour of Amsterdam Centrum. This is Bloemengracht, where my dear friends the Soeters have moved.

Merle and Sjoerd Soeters new pad! Note the whimsical whale details at the top!

Later that evening we arrive early for Herman’s concert. Around 300+ people attended!

Herman Rouw, post concert party!

Where’s my bike? The congestion of bike parking at Amsterdam’s Central station bespeaks the dominance of the ‘fiets’ over the auto!!!

Sunday we visit the famous central library designed by my dear friend, architect Jo Coenen.

Ingrid: youth section - that way<<

Rotterdam: A visit with the Frank Family

There was yet another reason for the timing of my trip to Holland - to see Martijn’s long time, best friends from university days, Rob and Therese Frank and their family. However, the visit was bittersweet. In a terrible irony Therese has the precise cancer, anal, as Martijn had. I had spoken and corresponded often with Rob about Therese’s condition. After undergoing the same chemotherapy and radiation treatment as Martijn had, doctors recommend the same serious surgery. Rob asked if I would come visit. They were the friends Martijn asked to see just prior to his surgery, and both came often during his recovery, then decline. I spent a most wonderful day with the Frank family, catching up on our own 16-year history, and learning news from the children. The surgery has gone well and Therese is now recovering.

The Frank family in Rotterdam

Back in Maastricht

More reconnecting and deepening

My sweet Swee

Nadia at Cut Above

Jacques & Pia at Cafe Zondag

Marcel & Geri at OLV Plein

Cheers!

Friday night films outside. Oh Brother where art thou? by the Coen Brothers.

Yet another EPA reunion: Domink, me, Lyse, Lorna and Damian visit from Brussels.

My Maastricht gang: L: Bonnie, Jacques, Ursula, Bob; R: Piet, Pia, me!

Corner games at gelato shop

Maastricht Revisited3

Around the City

My second week begins by tending to administration. I must see to my old health care policy, renew my NS (Nederlandse Spoorwegen) national train card (now also good on the buses), see about my Dutch status and telephone contract! Still, a nice walking tour of my old city.

Ubiquitous fiets (bikes) at the Central Station Maastricht.

Onze Lieve Vrouw (our beloved lady), the goddess of Maastricht. She shed a light of light in the dark days of Martijn’s illness.

Here I am with my dear friend, Ingrid Regout, who was the administrator in charge of our Master’s Program back in my ‘student’ days in 2004-2005.

Jens, my knight in shining armor. Dear friend and fellow student from my EPA Masters, now living in Aachen, Germany took me to a favorite tapas bar for great food and conversation.

As Jens walked me back to Ursula’s we got a great laugh: the butcher across the street places these cute penguins for an evening display! Brrrr! Cold meat inside.

Tuesday night I take a night walk, remembering the cozy terraces - here at Onze Lieve Vrouw Plein, lit for the evening.

Also on OLV Plein is my old academy for staying European Public Affairs and Administration, EIPA!

I worked for a year at ECDPM, the European Centre for Development Policy Management, working on their strategic communications plan and writing their Annual Report.

Behind OLV Cathedral springs what? A gelateria with a very red interior!!!

Ice Cream Catacombs anyone?

The old wall with battlements.

An interesting view of the pedestrian bridge arch.

A Late Summer Day at Pia’s

Pia lives in a small village just above Maastricht on the way to Valkenburg, Berg en Terblijt, is hilly and comfortable. We enjoy a sunny, warm day, good food, great conversation, a trip to the vet with the bunnies, and nice time with her sons Sebastian and Pieter.

The sun bath. Soft and welcoming we fall upon the pink and laze the day away!

Uh oh, bunny shots!

Pia prepares a Jamie Oliver crispy chicken feast.

Pia and Pieter

Off to the school the Dutch way

Pia comes to my aid helping uproot an Red Maple that didn’t survive. In its place we plant Salix caprea (Goat Willow, also known as the Pussy Willow or Great Sallow), a common species of willow native to Europeand western and central Asia , Martijn would love the fuzzy pussy willow buds.

Frogs forever frolicking.

Creativity, consciousness and healing

Enfolded in the arms of your beloved you are never alone. 

Susan caresses Martijn on Tuesday, July 7, 2008.

Supported by Sebastian.

We both requested that Sebastian return (please see blog entry June 1st) to share his quiet magic and majesty. He dreamt this ritual for us while sleeping in the next bedroom the previous evening, and Martijn embraced and wholeheartedly invited enacting the concept. 

"It is better to light just one little candle than to stumble in the dark."

Transforming the porcelain washbasin to a vessel of light and reflection.

Martijn and I have lived a life of modest creativity. We continue to find strength in the creative radiance of those dear individuals who inhabit our circle of life and love. Here is a poem written for us by our dear friend, Sally Eves, who lives in the mountains of Pennsylvania with her furry creatures:

Friends

Can you hear us croon to you

in the stillness of the night?

We sing a song in praise of you

to bring you love and light.

Our voices join in melody

with creatures of the night.

The swamp frogs croak

a rhythmic bass

a cacophony our sound;

the owl hoot hoots

it unblinking eyes surveying

sky to ground;

the bat's shrill screech is softened by

the swooshing of its wings, 

the cadence of the crickets tolls

the blessing of all things;

the cat's stealthy silence adds

a pause to all the sounds,

and brings a welcome stillness to the

mystery around;

the fireflies dance in points of light

to the movement of the sound,

and beckon the stars and sultry moon

nearer to the ground.

Do you hear us croon to you

a majestic band of the night?

But nothing to compare to you - 

your royalty and light.

- Sally L. Eves

June 30, 2008

Another friend, Maureen Youngstrom, who lived next door to us in Cottagewood, a village in Deephaven, Minnesota where Martijn enjoyed the first five years of our relationship, wrote this to us today, echoing the line in Sally's poem referring to 'swamp frogs':

Dearest Susan and Martijn,

Like most of your friends and family I have been checking your blog on a regular basis to see how things are progressing for the two of you both physically and emotionally. I am so impressed and inspired by the wonderful insight and grace that you both bring to this excruciatingly difficult process. At the same time I am profoundly sad at the reality of what is happening.

I need to tell you both at the thoughts I had about you on my long and now regular walks. (I am going to Africa to climb Mt Kilimanjaro in two weeks so I'm training for that. But more about that another time). To come right to point I think of you and Martijn almost constantly when I am out walking. In the beginning I thought it was just because my walks were starting out going by your old house and because I think a big part of Martijn's identity for me is that of the 'thoughtful Cottagewood walker'. Now I've come to realize there's more to it than that. I almost always end my walk with a stop at Hidden Beach where I am usually alone. It is here that I feel a kinship with the part of both your spirits that are still here. Also, I have been receiving another sign of your spirits. I have to preface this part of the story by relaying the fact that, until recently, I had seen maybe three or four frogs in the ten years I've lived here. This being said I have seen a frog on an almost daily basis for the last couple of weeks. Usually this sighting takes place on the last leg of my walk between hidden beach and home. Yesterday, it was a pair who instead of bolting into the bushes, hoped ahead of me for several yards before they took their own path. In a way I can't really articulate this gave me an incredibly peaceful and content feeling. I only hope in the extreme intensity of your lives right now that you find moments, however fleeting, of profound peace. This is my prayer for you both each day.

My thoughts and prayers are with you through your journey

Love - Maureen

Just so you know Martijn cannot use the computer anymore but I do print emails and share all of your comments with  him for which is so grateful and filled with love. We are so supported and only wish that we could do the same back for each and every one of you. But, in fact, we do, each night when we say our prayers and hold you in our collective heart. 

Not Alone

Marcel and Mother, Geri, a quiet dinner with us last Sunday, April 13th

Maurice Bom, our doctor, visits on Monday, April 14th 

Maurice consults with Martijn

It's been a while since I wrote. We've had a mostly good week. At present, Martijn is in a slightly stronger ‘chi’ pattern, I think influenced greatly by his lymph therapy sessions. On the other hand, his visage is greyer, and he tires a bit more easily. Still, he’s mobile and doing things, in a limited way, that he enjoys – making his own breakfast and lunch and lots and lots of reading and writing. Still, the pain is increasing and I imagine the cancer spreading, albeit at its own sinister pace. We have no extra help at present due to the situation I describe, but our general practitioner has a palliative team on hand for the changes sure to come. I am now seeing a therapist weekly and she’s a great help. She works with grief and is based in the Toon Hermans ‘Huis’ - the national Dutch cancer support organization that has lovely houses throughout the Netherlands offering such counseling, cooking lessons, art sessions, massage and other services all aimed at helping cancer patients and family through this journey. I'm trying as best I can to be and keep present, enjoying Martijn's company, while still bracing myself for the awful realities I will endure in the days to come. I have ridden a full spectrum of emotions this week, but mostly managed to keep one foot in front of the other.

Yesterday dear friends from Martijn's university days, Werner and Henk, stayed for the afternoon and evening. We celebrated a sort of makeshift Passover, although with Indonesian food substituting for a traditional seder dinner. Today David and Michael arrived from Minneapolis. It is so good to have them here. We spent a very quiet afternoon filled with laughter and tears. Martijn wants everyone to know he doesn't feel alone.