Maastricht Revisited2

What greater luxury is there than to have time? Time to think, time to be, time to be present, time to truly converse, to be present with another/others. I am indulging in this luxury for now. My return to my ‘other’ city on the River Maas has been flowing at a leisurely pace. Unhurried, unhurried. How much of my former life was spent rushing from ‘pillar to post’! Like so many, I valued myself over how busy I was, how many appointments and duties I had. Thus, I am cherishing the liquidly unreality of simply being back in this medieval town where so much of my present life has unfolded.

The quality of my time is here is rich. My friends and family here converse about ‘charged’ topics. Politics and poverty, immigration and discrimination, finance and food are typically discussed with rich nuances. People here consider art and culture - full stop. The word consider is the loaded verb of the last sentence. The shape of that or the color of this. Its placement and so on are customary topics. The value of things are not talked about with a focus on what a thing costs, but what it contributes, either to life or well-being. Okay, not all the time, but I love the worldliness and interest in the world that my friends here illicit. The word civilized comes to mind.

And so I happily meet, greet, eat and talk with dear friends, family and acquaintances, easily falling into one of the multiple side walk cafes or restaurants. And so it goes.

Ursula with friend Tom on his terrace in Huegem.

Ursula along the Maas River by the Province House.

Pia’s home in Berg en Terblijt, just outside Maastricht.

Pia and friends cooking it up for her 50th birthday celebration.

Indira and Rob with me at Selexyz Bookstore for our mini-EPA Masters reunion.

Indira, Rob and I in front of our old faculty at Grote Gracht 82.

My sister-in-law, Irma, at an exhibit at the Timmerfabric in Maastricht. Big cups!

Irma and Jan, a moment of marital bliss.

De familie: Irma, Jan and nephew Tjeiu, on a terrace in Maastricht.

Maastricht Revisited

Ten months ago I left Maastricht to settle into a new home in Pompano Beach, Florida in the extreme south of the US. Now I've returned to this medieval town that takes its name from the Maas River which it straddles to reconnect with friends, family and surroundings. My first days have rolled like the river - simply flowing organically.

Bob W. kindly made the almost three-hour drive to meet me at Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport.

Why have a clock when St. Maarten's Steeple shines into your window? Night time view from Ursula's window.

Just down the block from Ursula's is the luscious La Luna gelato bar.

Magical Maastricht at twilight, looking westward from Wyck, across the River Muese (Maas).

My dear friend Pia Brand, an angel masquerading as a human.

I settled in nicely at my dear friend Ursula's flat located so conveniently on Maastricht's Wyckerbrugstraat that rolls down the center of city from the train station to the old St. Servaas Brugge that crosses the Maas River and leads to the city's heart. My beginning days have been spent reorienting, leisurely shopping and greeting well-known shop-keepers, and spending time with dear friends and family.

Bob arranged a Saturday auto excursion in the scenic Limburg rolling landscape from Maastricht, NL to Limbourg, BE, on through Eupen, BE, with a stop in historic Monschau, DE a city Martijn so wanted to take me to, continuing on to the mouth of the Rur River in the Effiel Mountains, descending through Aachen, DE and on to Vals, where we dined at a gourmet Florentine Restaurant to cap a perfect day. Vals is home of the spot called Three Points, where the Netherlands, Belgium and Germany all meet.

The following day I spent in a cozy family way with Geri and Marcel, first paying a visit to Martijn's lush and dynamic graveside, so alive in this yard of final repose. Then we visited Martijn's Aunt Sybil in the little scenic village of Guelle. My cousins were around and it was a really wonderful afternoon. We stopped for dinner in Eisden, BE, at another Italian restaurant, with excellent food. Geri is just beginning to show signs of Alzheimer's which made me a bit sad.

An archaic pissoir (yes, what you think) in the French-speaking town of Limbourg, Belgium. There are three provinces of Limburg: Dutch, Belgian and German

The gate of the ancient old walled city of Limbourg, BE

The requisite Castle!

We journeyed from the Netherlands, through Belgium right on to Germany, here stopping in the ancient town of Monschau with it's timbered houses.

A Monschau street scene.

The mouth of the Rur River in the Ardenne, or Eiffel mountains.

Martijn's lush and blooming graveside.

The ever beautiful mother, Geri.

Marcel's favorite passtime, an ice cream at an open air cafe in Guelle.

From the left, Aunt Sybil, Geri, a family friend, Ivan with his mamma, Karla, Robert Jan and Marcel's torso, in the farmhouse of Aunt Sybil.

Not Alone

Marcel and Mother, Geri, a quiet dinner with us last Sunday, April 13th

Maurice Bom, our doctor, visits on Monday, April 14th 

Maurice consults with Martijn

It's been a while since I wrote. We've had a mostly good week. At present, Martijn is in a slightly stronger ‘chi’ pattern, I think influenced greatly by his lymph therapy sessions. On the other hand, his visage is greyer, and he tires a bit more easily. Still, he’s mobile and doing things, in a limited way, that he enjoys – making his own breakfast and lunch and lots and lots of reading and writing. Still, the pain is increasing and I imagine the cancer spreading, albeit at its own sinister pace. We have no extra help at present due to the situation I describe, but our general practitioner has a palliative team on hand for the changes sure to come. I am now seeing a therapist weekly and she’s a great help. She works with grief and is based in the Toon Hermans ‘Huis’ - the national Dutch cancer support organization that has lovely houses throughout the Netherlands offering such counseling, cooking lessons, art sessions, massage and other services all aimed at helping cancer patients and family through this journey. I'm trying as best I can to be and keep present, enjoying Martijn's company, while still bracing myself for the awful realities I will endure in the days to come. I have ridden a full spectrum of emotions this week, but mostly managed to keep one foot in front of the other.

Yesterday dear friends from Martijn's university days, Werner and Henk, stayed for the afternoon and evening. We celebrated a sort of makeshift Passover, although with Indonesian food substituting for a traditional seder dinner. Today David and Michael arrived from Minneapolis. It is so good to have them here. We spent a very quiet afternoon filled with laughter and tears. Martijn wants everyone to know he doesn't feel alone.

White Easter 2008

Uncommon White Easter Monday, March 24, 2008, from our second story balcony

Martijn visits with brothers, Noel, Jan, and sisters-in-law, Irma and Leah, 

Good Friday, March 21st

Brother Noel gazes with Leiven as T'jeu talks with Uncle Martijn

We were blessed this holiday weekend by getting to spend quality time with Martijn's brother Jan, wife Irma and sons, Matthieu, known as T'jeu [pronounced T'chew] and Leiven, who live in Amersfoort nearby Amsterdam, as well as with his youngest brother, Noel and his wife, Leah, who live in Maastricht but haven't been part of family gatherings for over two years. Reconciliations are healing and holy. So Good Friday was really good.

The Thursday evening before good friends Frank and Jacqueline stopped by for gossip and conversation. Frank and Jan are old school day chums and Frank has adopted us into his own warm and encompassing circle. Jacqueline was a major part of moving in to this building a year ago, taking over the painting and generally helping us to settle in.

Saturday, good buddy Maurice Schoffelen transported me to an office center outlet to happily shop for my favorite things, like paper clips and hanging folders while Jan returned for a more private visit with his big brother. That night we entertained friends Yuri and Steven whom we haven't seen in almost a year. They divide their time between homes here in Maastricht, San Francisco and now, their newest abode in Brussels. 

Sunday, Easter Day, we enjoyed a quiet dinner at my mother-in-law, Geri's along with Marcel, Noel and Leah. But Martijn was feeling peaky and we left early. His pain has increased as has his overall discomfort in sitting, walking or laying. I'm generally trying to hold my own faltering emotions in check, now struggling to fight back bleak thoughts, instead trying to enjoy these moments since they are the only thing that is real in my otherwise abstract thought landscape. Mostly Martijn and I enjoy very quiet time together in this wonderful house.

I'm very grateful that my work for ECDPM can mostly be done from here allowing us to continue to be together. Tomorrow I head to The Hague, about a two and a half hour train trip, to meet the officials in the Dutch Ministry of Foreign Affairs who are major funders of ECDPM. Specifically I'll interview the Director General of International Cooperation, who plays an important part of the Ministry's development activities. 

Savoring the Moments

Marcel celebrates 65 hard won years, March 6, 2008

There aren't sufficient words to describe the love, attention, affection and support provided by Marcel Winten, my mother-in-law, Geri's life partner. It almost is possible to overlook his steady presence in our extended family because Marcel prefers to inhabit the background in his quiet and self-effacing way. But he is truly the rock upon which our family is anchored. It was fortunate that Dave Hyde's arrival coincided with the traditional Dutch family-style celebration of Marcel's special birthday so that he could experience this most quintessential Dutch treat.

Aunt Eneke, Uncle Jan, Marcel and Aunt Sus

Here our family gathers in the cozy glow of my mother-in-law's living room, enjoying traditional Limburg vlaai (pie) and conversation.

Dave Hyde, David Meyers and Roberta Strickler, March 11, 2007

In a more traditional American moment, our great friends invade our kitchen to cook up some chicken and risotto magic. Martijn was ailing so we cancelled our fancy dinner reservations for this goodbye dinner to our guests as they took over all preparations and clean-up.

Maastricht's best kept secret- 5 star Schaefer-Hermse Restaurant Ceramique!

Who needs cramped seating and bothersome European smokers during an exquisite dinner? Not our happy crew. 

The Reading Room

A moment of restful reflection as Martijn, Dave and David contemplate world affairs in our relaxing 'reading room'.

In these days of doubt and fear for the future of Martijn's health we try to savor each day. Illness sometimes robs us of the joys of life. It is then critical that within capacity we live each day to its fullest. Enjoying the love and support of our family and friends eases the strain of focusing on the life-robbing cancer; rather, we are able to escape into the richness that their presence offers. Surely this extends the healing process.

Keep on Smiling

Martijn & his Mother Geri, at her home,  March 6, 2008, Marcel's 65th birthday celebration

Martijn, David Meyers, Roberta Strickler, Dave Hyde & Me

March 11, 2008

To understand bravery and spirit you are lucky if you know Martijn. His spirit is larger than most of our imaginations can fathom. It is as limitless as universe after universe. He teaches me about what it means to be a real human being, not a human doing. His first ambition is to make sure that his guests, his friends, his family are okay; then comes himself.

Due to plans made just a few short weeks ago when his health was going strong and his strength on the upswing, we invited our dear friends David and Roberta to stay here, coming for TEFAF, the huge art fair held in Maastricht and visiting other places of interest. When our other friend, Dave Hyde, asked if he should stop by on his way from Dubai back to Minneapolis, we said, sure, happily anticipating a houseful of good friends who had a common connection of having lived a long time in Chicago.

So it was with great sadness that Martijn had to bow out of most of our plans as his condition worsened extremely rapidly. Dave arrived on Thursday, the day the entire family celebrated Marcel's 65th birthday. We were pleased to attend and share the joy, but already Martijn was in pain.

Dave was perfect company, generously lending his ear and hugs, happily hanging out and just being. Saturday David and Roberta arrived. Originally we were all to meet them in Brussels for a day of sightseeing. Instead Dave served as my escort and the four of us enjoyed an afternoon. But I was eager to return home and so we had a nice dinner all together with Martijn. Sunday Barbara Greenberg and Pawel Kromholz had all of us for a big family style dinner at their home/art studio. Martijn joined but was greatly relieved to be back home that night. Monday only the four of us attended TEFAF, and Tuesday we cancelled a special dinner out while David and Roberta prepared a risotto and chicken feast.

Our visitors left today in a very poignant goodbye to Martijn. His condition is deteriorating almost by the day. Although he is keeping his brave face, the cancer has spread and most distressing, now his appetite is gone – the most dangerous thing that can happen in these cases. His medical doctor comes this evening to conduct a physical exam while we wait for the hospital to receive a certain chemical to conduct a full body scan to determine where and how many organs now are invaded. 

There is no good news here. The worse situation for me is seeing Martijn in real pain and distress. 

I will continue with my work for ECDPM since it doesn’t do any good for me to simply sit by, but as you can imagine this is a depressing and achingly sad time for us. Thank you for your comments, wishes, emails, love and support. Susan