New Year's Eve 2008

New Year's Eve, with Suzanne and Rich, 1998

Ten years have passed since this photo was snapped. Tonight I sit in Philadelphia, my hometown. Martijn expressed a strong interest a few years ago in moving here with me. Now it seems I may make that desire a reality.

Since arriving here in mid-November, my days have alternated between very busy and totally still, drinking in memories and moments of Martijn. I have been blessed by the constant attention and care of many friends near and far, and even of strangers who have morphed into new friends during this transitional stay here in my hometown.

Today I have taken a serious step toward making the transition back to Philly. I have signed an agreement in principle on a lease/purchase of a unique loft/warehouse space in the Overbrook section of the city, directly next to the SEPTA Overbrook Train Station. The place is mine until summer when I will know if I can finance a mortgage. All of my friends who have seen this space agree it's totally 'me' and I know that Martijn would have loved such an original space and location with all its beauty and also its edginess, for edgy it is.

This decision will not come as a huge surprise to most of my friends since I have been talking about where it will be best for me. However, the decision to move still has some uncertainty. Should a concrete job offer occur in the Netherlands that has good promise for me, I will act accordingly. Beyond a doubt, though, it feels as if I will have better options being back in my own country. Hopefully, I can continue to bridge both continents whatever I end up doing.

So, I move forward acting 'as if' as the reigning wisdom recommends to do. Little by little the acting shall become more integrated, hence more authentic. So, I wish you each the brightest new year ever. Please don't allow the grim news to outweigh the positives that are possible. Remember that in America, Barack Obama, has become president. With your imagination, anything and all is possible. Just set your mind to it. 

Thank you for your friendship.

xoxxo, Susan

Suze in America

Here I stand - a solitary figure in Philadelphia's Old City.

Sandra Kloezen, wife of our beloved Dr. Maurice Bom, has become one of my closest friends. Here she is standing by the River Maas with the Limburg Provincial House in the background during one of our frequent walks. She and the family sent me to America with a traditional Sinter Klaas gift to open on December 5th - a great card with two dancing froggies, a lovely poem, and a cool case for my iPhone cheered me considerably. Thanks!

Here are my beloved Amsterdam friends with a warm send off for this trip. Left to right at the top are Sjoerd Soeters, Herman Rouw, and Merle Soeters. Crouching is Ton Schaap. The Soeters have been kind enough to host me at their lovely canal house and to drive me to Schiphol airport so I could be there at 6AM for my US flight departure! Herman and Ton came for a nice farewell dinner at the Soeters. All four paid frequent visits to us while Martijn bravely battled his cancer, cooking for us and carrying on with great conversations. We have been friends, all of us, for almost 14 years now! 

Talk about old friends, I've know Nancy Carolan since we were 18. Nan has been my constant companion since my arrival here in Philly. She is standing on the bridge to Penn's Landing on the historic Delaware River that separates Philadelphia from Camden New Jersey at this spot.

I was fortunate to spend Thanksgiving with my dear friends, Sara and Allan Crimm at their brother Walt and Deenah's home very near my old neighborhood in West Mt. Airy. Shown here are Sara and Allan's children, Naomi, Ben, and Jeremy in a tender moment.

My second family. Peter and Alison Tasch were chosen by me in 1967 as my official second family. For Peter's 75th birthday, I asked Nan to cater a special meal. Here we all are celebrating this event at Peter and Alison's home in Germantown. Left side of the table is Michelle, Wei Wei and Jeremy. Peter and Alison are at the head of the table. Alex, Kate and Nan from back to front on the right side. It was a glorious feast even though it was the day after Thanksgiving - somehow we all were hungry again!

It has been a bittersweet few weeks here, back in my hometown. Traveling and being without my beloved Martijn remains difficult, sad, unsettling. Often I feel like a ghost who is somehow stuck on earth; other times I am able to focus and be grateful for the bounty of my friends and friendships. Certainly I have been surrounded and supported by my dear friends here. I stayed with Barbara Craig for the first week or so, and as always she was gracious with her home and her love. For the past week I have been with Ruth and Rick Snyderman, enjoying their hospitality and lively lifestyle. This past weekend Bob Ingram visited and we took a very nostalgic stroll down South Street where we used to live and work when we ran the neighborhood newspapaer so long ago. I have seen many other old friends including a wonderful reunion of women from my Girls High class of 1967. But my inner journey is a lonely and solitary one - I am literally reconstructing my life from the ground up. I don't know where my path will lead, but I am trying to keep centered and focused as I move forward. I hope you are all well and looking forward to the holiday season. Soon the days will grow longer and more light will flood the darkness.