Thursday, April 30, 2009

Queen's Day Tragedy


Pool photograph by Robin Utrecht
People lay injured after a car careened into a holiday parade that included Queen Beatrix 
and the royal family in the Dutch city of Apeldoorn on Thursday.

On a fleckless day reserved for a celebration unique in all the world, Queen's Day in the Netherlands, chaos replaced the cheering, and violence routed the celebration which commemorates the Queen's birthday. 

I had planned a funny little story to explain this quintessential Dutch holiday to my readers. It is a day when the entire Netherlands becomes one huge garage sale where everyone from 8 to 80 puts out their trash and treasures for others to purchase typically spending their gains buying  similar trash and treasure from a neighboring 'salesperson'. It's usually great fun with food, fireworks, and music, but today at least four people have been killed and dozens injured in a vicious attack intended on the Royal Family. Details are only just emerging. 

Dutch Royal Family

Unlike other royals, the Dutch Royals, headed by Queen Beatrix (middle in lavender) are quite down-to-earth. Although descended from the historic Orange Family, with a strong Protestant legacy, these royals are equally beloved in this tiny country from east to west, and north to south, which is strongly Catholic. Queen's Day is a national day off that occurs each April 30th, and this year offers a long holiday weekend with May 5th, Liberation Day, another holiday, falling on a Tuesday. For now the festive feeling is gone.  

Martijn was not a  big fan of this particular holiday, mostly shunning crowds and loud music. But like his compatriots, he was fond of the Dutch Royals since they represent the best of an antiquated system, using their power and influence to do much good across the country and beyond. On a day that should have been filled with mirth and merriment innocent bystanders are maimed and slaughtered. My heart goes out to the friends and families of those touched by this tragedy.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Nine Months

Monday morning, April 20, 2009. A lone duck ponders sunrise on the Jeker River that runs into the River Meuse (Maas). This spot is along the outermost of the city's old walls that frames a quaint park where we often walked.

It has been a very mixed week for me. I did not have any jet lag after returning from Florida and was able to quickly get back into a rhythm that included an early morning walk to the University of Maastricht's Business Faculty building where in I used to teach. Typically, there I would pick up the Wall Street Journal and Financial Times and chat with one of my favorite people - Karin Post, who worked the reception desk. Karin and I had promised to transform our informal morning chats into a lunch once we returned from our respective vacations. Monday, hoping to find her at her regular spot, instead I learned that Karin suffered a fatal heart attack while she was on holiday in Africa. The news impacted me hard - Karin had lost her husband years back and was one of those friends who knew what it meant to lose a beloved spouse. I grieve for her sons who are now without parents and for all who basked in her radiant good humor. I have lost a future friend and was deeply saddened.

Barbara Lukermann, Birchwood Cafe, Seward Neighborhood, Winter 2005

The news of the death of Karin Post followed the news of the death of my dear friend, Barbara Lukermann, who died in Minneapolis after her valiant struggle with cancer. I was so lucky to have Barbara in my life as a friend, mentor and colleague. She is legend in the field of Urban Planning and is widely recognized for her contributions to the Humphrey Institute, University of Minnesota, where her colleagues and students have honored her by naming a lounge center in her name. I will miss Barbara's gentle wisdom and friendship and offer my condolences to her family, friends, students and colleagues. A bright light has gone out. 

Marcel Winten and Geri Hermse Mullens, April 21, 2009, Eupen, Belgium

Tuesday Marcel and Geri kindly shuttled me to nearby Eupen, Belgium where my dear friend (and gynecologist) Christiane Schneider has her practice. As is always the way with Geri and Marcel, we made an outing of what turned out to be a glorious day. After my examination I treated them to a fine lunch in a lovely garden recommended by Christiane; then, we enjoyed window shopping and a drink on a terrace in front of Eupen's Cathedral (background).

Yesterday was Geri's 78th birthday and the day Martijn's monument was placed on his grave. We visited together making this heavy event easier for all of us. I prepared a very special dinner for Geri, and we dined by candlelight. I have grown increasingly close to my mother-in-law and her partner of 28 years, Marcel, and feel fortunate for this blessing.  

Tomorrow marks nine months since Martijn died. The time it takes to grow a fertilized egg into baby. Nine months brings forth life in human terms. My life is beginning to take on a new and different meaning. I'm so glad it's Spring. Sunday the entire family will come to celebrate mother's birthday. And, we will go to the cemetery together and honor our beloved husband, son, brother, brother-in-law, and uncle as one united unit. From death to life - then we will all go to a buffet in honor of mother's birthday. 
I decided to make a composite photo for mother which I had framed. The inset, the kiss, is from an outing last April, one of Martijn's last, to a small petting zoo in Born. The larger photo is from our first Christmas here and is taken in front of the Kasteel Hoensbroek. She was very moved by this gift.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Time of Healing

Susan and Cindy, Boca Raton, Florida, April 14, 2009

Typically vacation time flies by. This trip was different. Time seemed to go at its appointed pace, neither too fast nor slow. My stay at Cindy's was balm for my soul. Her home is a place where Martijn and I stayed each year for almost 12 years. But I've know Cindy for over 35 years, so I have had memories from a time before my marriage. This factored into making this a trip of healing for me. It was the first time since Martijn's death that I've felt so relaxed, so in my own skin. Much of this was due to Cindy's generosity and pure friendship. Each morning while she worked, I had time to spend alone - walking to our beloved Light House Point, wandering along the beach, sitting and watching the sea, swimming in her pool - all the time reflecting how happy these simple activities made Martijn, and how happy they make me. Cindy kept me busy in the afternoons with little trips and visits and fun dinners out. Our schedule was perfect and for me, stress-less, as Cindy did all the planning and driving. As a plus, I met a wonderful new friend who is originally from the Netherlands, Ineke Wolfs, who kindly drove me to the airport on my departure day. And, I had time to spend a little more time with her neighbors, Barbara and Michael, who are salt of the earth individuals. So, once again, through friendship and caring I am ushered into the springtime of my mourning, able to enjoy the tender green leaves and colorful sprouts, even through my occasional tears.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Birthday Awakening


Me and Cindy, my birthday, Palm Beach, Florida, April 5, 2009

This is my third journey to the United States since Martijn passed away. I wanted to pass my birthday in the company of my dear friend, Cindy Serano, for multiple reasons. Cindy is one of the warmest most authentic people I know. She lives 'inside her skin' - open and giving. Her warmth is legendary amongst her friends who bask in its glow. I do not exaggerate - and therefore I feel most fortunate to be counted amongst her long-time, good friends.

Cindy's home is where Martijn and spent our honeymoon 13 years ago just after Valentine's Day. And, year after year her chosen spot in south Florida is where we pilgrimaged, incorporating our family with hers.

Vince, Cindy, Me and Martijn February 2005, Fairchild Botanical Garden, Coral Gables, Florida, Dale Chihuly exhibit

Once Cindy met my beloved Aunt Ada, she welcomed Ada into the life of her cherished elders - her mother and Aunt Evelyn. On one of our many trips here, we brought Martijn's mother, Geri and Marcel. That trip remains one of my most cherished times here. We stayed in a penthouse apartment overlooking Pompano Beach's spectacular Light House Cove, with its pristine expanse of turquoise water and fine white sand. During that trip we introduced Cindy's family and mine to my in-laws, meshing circles in a most loving and natural way - my favorite pastime. 

Me and dear Aunt Ada, Cindy's Patio, Pompano Beach

And there's more. Cindy sadly understands all too well what I'm currently experiencing. Twenty-five years ago her beloved husband and my beloved friend, Michael, died in a tragic accident, leaving her a young widow with an eight-year-old son, Andy. Michael Serano was my first friend to die. The impact of his death has stayed with me all these years. Now, I am united with Cindy in an unenviable pact - "the sisterhood of those who have lost that which is most dear". 

Cindy created a happy day for me. We spent the night before with dear old friends, Elise and Andy Charne, for a Chinese dinner. My birthday was spent in the company of Billy Tyson and his wife, Eddie, dear dear friends for over 30 years, who hosted us for a brunch on their balcony overlooking Palm Beach. Later in the day we joined Michael and Barbara, Cindy's neighbors who have become great friends over the these many years, for a sunset on Pompano Beach.

Elise and Andy
Bill, Eddie and Cindy
Michael and Barbara

I was graced with birthday greetings from friends everywhere, helping me through this first post-Martijn event. And, with the warm southern Florida winds beneath my wings, I see glimmers of my future unfolding. Only those with a special understanding of loss and letting go can truly 'know' how difficult it is to see such a future. All of the zen quotes and wisdom of letting go and being in the present don't really contribute to this giant step. Each individual must arrive there at her/his own time. Grief therapists understand that this 'embracing the future' means, in fact, a second sense of loss. Another shock. But, in the embrace of so many friends, that shock is lessened and the future beckons. Thank you for this gift, dear friends.