A Thank You Party for those who helped

Dozens of our friends and even strangers helped us through caring for Martijn during his courageous battle with cancer. It truly takes a village to provide the type of care Martijn cherished during his final days. He chose to die with dignity at home, surrounded by loved ones from all corners of the world. Through the efforts of so many people Martijn truly lived until he died. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

And so, I chose in the best way that I could to say thank you by hosting a very special evening at Maastricht's Toon Hermans Huis, a marvelous volunteer organization dedicated to providing support and services to those who are affected by cancer. On a stunning evening, March 17, 2009, friends and family gathered at the historic building that houses THHM, just across from the St. Jan's Kerk where Martijn's funeral was held, to enjoy music played by the extraordinary Jacques Ogg and a short concert by the talented Pia Brand. Then we feasted on food prepared by Alex Bos, who is one of THHM's incredible volunteers. The evening was pure magic. I shall never be able to thank each of you enough, but accept this short film and thanks from my heart.

Sun, Moon and Stars

Reflective Leadership - Harry Potter

In a departure from my journaling about my life, my love and my recent loss, I have decided to post a bookreview I made during Martijn's illness. It is about two themes I respect: Reflective Leadership and, believe it or not, Harry Potter. I also just posted this on Amazon's site as a review. It should appear in about two days from today. 

Potter's Real Power: Reflective Leadership

by Susan Schaefer
March 11, 2009

The seventh installment of the Harry Potter phenomenon, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has been documented, dissected, discussed, and dis'd in print, online and on the airways. Never was a book so eagerly anticipated nor so widely read. Its readership cuts across generation, gender and geography. From lofty literary reviewers to adolescent blogs, the adventures of Harry and his fellowship have undergone as serious scrutiny as the spread of avian flu. Their creator, J.K. Rowling, has been equally examined with the ferocity and frenzy worthy of a life-threatening pandemic.

And deservedly so; Rowling’s accomplishment warrants the exposure and limelight. After its release in summer of 2007, real world "Muggle" coverage of war, famine, floods and random violence returned soon enough. I found it satisfying that the stir of a book had the power to whisk the war in Iraq, the primary election campaigns in America, the floods in Britain, the fires in southern Europe, and global terrorism off our minds, albeit for a brief summer respite. Now in spite of in America’s new leadership, newer crises are taking center stage. Perhaps President Obama, and his EU colleagues, Prime Minister Brown, President Sarkozy and Prime Minister Merkel, along with other world leaders can still learn a lesson from the boy wizard...

While multiple themes thread throughout the Potter series, this final volume touches on a noble topic: Harry’s ultimate feat is attainment of collaborative, reflective leadership.

For thousands of years mythology has focused on sole heroes attaining supreme power: "Divine right" backed by divine might; one absolute hero vanquishing or vanquished by one clear villain. From Beowulf to Batman, heroes act alone and conquer evil. America’s past zealous administration sought to obliterate "evil empires". The message was dominate or be dominated. China seems still caught in this futile web.

As the globalized world struggles with the need for multilateral cooperation, the concept of shared leadership has advanced. Harvard University has produced, Getting to Yes, and scholar Joseph Nye, who defines soft power "as the ability to get what you want by attracting and persuading others to adopt your goals." Riane Eisler, author of the stunning, Chalice and the Blade, and more recent, The Real Wealth of Nations, urges modern authors to rewrite stories that perpetuate the domination legends, replacing them with partnership myths. Knowingly or not, J.K. Rowling has taken an influential step in this direction.

Although her portrayal of Lord Voldermort falls under the prototypical arch villain mold, Rowling counterpoints this caricature by crafting Harry’s development as a reflective, indeed reluctant leader. Barbara Crosby, of the Reflective Leadership Center at the University of Minnesota's Humphrey Institute, and many of her colleagues in the field, define leadership as "the inspiration and mobilization of others to undertake collective action in pursuit of the common good."

While themes of love, friendship, trust and loyalty fly like broomsticks throughout the Potter opus, in the end, the "pursuit of the common good" theme emerges prominently. And, the conceit isn’t overly simplified. Harry and other characters question what constitutes "common good." Teenage Harry’s reflective abilities are toughened when he learns that his mentor and hero, Dumbledore, may have been misguided in his own youthful understanding of this concept. Harry must not only grasp the nuances of Dumbledore’s transgressions, but also forgive them.

This ability to expose fallibility and forgiveness in lead characters, particularly in Harry, renders Deathly Hallows as more than a traditional fantasy morality tale. Rowling encourages readers to think critically about what makes Harry a hero, what influences his choices.

The parting 17-year-old Harry Potter is imbued with a finer capacity than sword or wand play or sheer magical attainment. Throughout the series he has fiercely sought truth; in this final quest he gains a most valuable ability – understanding and self-knowledge.

In 1997 scholars Begley and Jacobs wrote that: "Leadership is the process of maximizing the capability of people to fulfill purpose through the development of character." J.K. Rowling has succeeded in casting the Harry Potter series as an extended bildungsroman. Harry Potter the boy undergoes the requisite conflicts between his needs and those of the society around him. He emerges as a more modern hero.

When Harry chooses collaboration over his past preferred isolation to guide his choices he advances his goals. He comes to understand and accept his own and others’ limitations. Harry overcomes his former wavering ability to trust others. In this final episode, Rowling masterfully releases Potter to his potential as "a first among equals" - a prima inter pares, thereby producing the ripple effect of allowing others to lead. In fact, another ultimately wields the hero’s sword – it is an ally, not a solitary hero, who literally slays the dragon, well, snake. Harry Potter triumphs through partnership. This is the real power of Potter. And we hope, of the new free world leaders.

-The End-

Winter Scenes

Surrounded by loving friends and family this winter has moved along. Now Spring is almost here so I take time to remember some special moments.

Mariska van Exel, Jens Haase and me, February 2009

My nephew Jony turns 19! March 2009

My brother-in-law, Janus with my nephew, Levien who is making shampoo at the Science Museum in nearby Kerkrade.

Uncle Jan turns 70! Here, from bottom left: Marcel, Aunts Sus and Sybil, Uncle Jan, cousin Robert Jan, Aunt Inne, mother-in-law, Geri. February 2009

On February 22nd there was a Mass in honor of Martijn. Afterwards we visited the cemetery and then I suggested we watch a bit of Carnival. Here are Geri and Marcel at the parade.

Las Muchachas: Dinner at Claudias with: l to r back row: Mari, Claudia, Irene; front row, Ana, me, Pilar. February

Claudia thought it would be good to register for a course in creativity and spirituality. Here is the mermaid I drew. First we had an imaged meditation then we scribbled what we felt. She just floated to the surface of the scribble.

The larger view

Martijn Hermse, Schiphol Airport, June 1995. This is a photo of our first goodbye after meeting, falling in love and spending an entire month together in Amsterdam. Truthfully, it was almost our last goodbye. Martijn soon came to Minnesota for a month. Then I returned to Europe on business two times - the second of which Martijn returned with me to America to begin our life together, not to be separated again.

This morning I awoke alone in the house again. My dear Spanish roommate, Irene, has moved into her own apartment so she can enjoy a more independent lifestyle during her architecture internship here in Maastricht. I miss her but this decision is good. We'll now continue our friendship but not living in the same space.

I awoke this morning also not alone, filled with the growing reconnection I am receiving via the virtual world! How strange. I am so much a flesh and blood individual but email, the web, FaceBook, even LinkedIn are now filling me with life-like connectedness, which I need. Even my daily, customized horoscope occasionally provides me 'spot on' advice. Like this morning's : 

The larger view
Psychologically, this influence broadens your comprehension of any issue that you are interested in and your understanding of life in general as you encounter it today. You are concerned with the largest, most comprehensive possible view, and you are eager to incorporate new information into your way of looking at the world. At the same time you are intellectually more tolerant of other viewpoints, seeing them not as a threat to your views, but as a way of enlarging them. Your ability to see the larger view today enables you to plan with foresight. Where others see only confusion, you can see a pattern and come up with insights that will amaze others. In business or social activities you are able to organize very effectively, grouping people together so they can work most efficiently.

I did awake this morning with a larger view, even before I consulted the "oracle" heh, heh. One of the emails I received this morning was from a dear and cherished friend from Minneapolis who Martijn and I considered the aunty of our beloved cats, Yin, Yang and Snoepje. Aunt Jane Eyestone, a tremendously talented photographer and designer, and I are back in touch. I hope she doesn't mind, but here's an excerpt from my response to her email that indeed reflects my "larger view":

... Regarding your present situation – it is unbelievably difficult now for so many in the world. According to the ancient Mayans we are entering a truly New Age. I always believed this would happen, but who knew it would happen this way - a global economic crisis, a new American President who is almost mythological in proportion, civil unrest intensifying in so many places in the world, and so on. Certainly losing Martijn for me trumps all of this. It provides a ‘terrible’ perspective. But it doesn’t mitigate nor minimize the suffering, the fear, the sense of loss and instability that you and others are now feeling. Sometimes I feel that Martijn was so spiritual, so gentle, so, if you’ll forgive me, holy, that his death, which he did with so much grace for OTHERS, has had a profound impact on my ability to process this immense external crisis better. I often think that Martijn gifted me when he passed on. I’ve gone through stages regarding my feelings about this gift – anger being a big one. We often promised each other to never leave the other. (He knew that one of my greatest emotional fears was abandonment.) So, indeed, his death triggered this greatest fear. But, somehow, all the surrounding elements in my life have provided me the way to work through this fear for the first time, the first time ever. Pretty big gift, yes?

So, I think this time on earth could be the pretty big gift for all of us, well, for most of us, if we can only learn how to go through it in grace rather than fear and anger. This is long way to say I hope you keep your faith in how good and talented you are. In how much others see this and appreciate you. I’m a big fan and am hoping to see you and spend time together again in the near future.

Big hugs, Susan