Enfolded in the arms of your beloved you are never alone.
Susan caresses Martijn on Tuesday, July 7, 2008.
Supported by Sebastian.
We both requested that Sebastian return (please see blog entry June 1st) to share his quiet magic and majesty. He dreamt this ritual for us while sleeping in the next bedroom the previous evening, and Martijn embraced and wholeheartedly invited enacting the concept.
"It is better to light just one little candle than to stumble in the dark."
Transforming the porcelain washbasin to a vessel of light and reflection.
Martijn and I have lived a life of modest creativity. We continue to find strength in the creative radiance of those dear individuals who inhabit our circle of life and love. Here is a poem written for us by our dear friend, Sally Eves, who lives in the mountains of Pennsylvania with her furry creatures:
Friends
Can you hear us croon to you
in the stillness of the night?
We sing a song in praise of you
to bring you love and light.
Our voices join in melody
with creatures of the night.
The swamp frogs croak
a rhythmic bass
a cacophony our sound;
the owl hoot hoots
it unblinking eyes surveying
sky to ground;
the bat's shrill screech is softened by
the swooshing of its wings,
the cadence of the crickets tolls
the blessing of all things;
the cat's stealthy silence adds
a pause to all the sounds,
and brings a welcome stillness to the
mystery around;
the fireflies dance in points of light
to the movement of the sound,
and beckon the stars and sultry moon
nearer to the ground.
Do you hear us croon to you
a majestic band of the night?
But nothing to compare to you -
your royalty and light.
- Sally L. Eves
June 30, 2008
Another friend, Maureen Youngstrom, who lived next door to us in Cottagewood, a village in Deephaven, Minnesota where Martijn enjoyed the first five years of our relationship, wrote this to us today, echoing the line in Sally's poem referring to 'swamp frogs':
Like most of your friends and family I have been checking your blog on a regular basis to see how things are progressing for the two of you both physically and emotionally. I am so impressed and inspired by the wonderful insight and grace that you both bring to this excruciatingly difficult process. At the same time I am profoundly sad at the reality of what is happening.
I need to tell you both at the thoughts I had about you on my long and now regular walks. (I am going to Africa to climb Mt Kilimanjaro in two weeks so I'm training for that. But more about that another time). To come right to point I think of you and Martijn almost constantly when I am out walking. In the beginning I thought it was just because my walks were starting out going by your old house and because I think a big part of Martijn's identity for me is that of the 'thoughtful Cottagewood walker'. Now I've come to realize there's more to it than that. I almost always end my walk with a stop at Hidden Beach where I am usually alone. It is here that I feel a kinship with the part of both your spirits that are still here. Also, I have been receiving another sign of your spirits. I have to preface this part of the story by relaying the fact that, until recently, I had seen maybe three or four frogs in the ten years I've lived here. This being said I have seen a frog on an almost daily basis for the last couple of weeks. Usually this sighting takes place on the last leg of my walk between hidden beach and home. Yesterday, it was a pair who instead of bolting into the bushes, hoped ahead of me for several yards before they took their own path. In a way I can't really articulate this gave me an incredibly peaceful and content feeling. I only hope in the extreme intensity of your lives right now that you find moments, however fleeting, of profound peace. This is my prayer for you both each day.
My thoughts and prayers are with you through your journey
Love - Maureen
Just so you know Martijn cannot use the computer anymore but I do print emails and share all of your comments with him for which is so grateful and filled with love. We are so supported and only wish that we could do the same back for each and every one of you. But, in fact, we do, each night when we say our prayers and hold you in our collective heart.
45 comments:
Hello Susan & Martijn,
I have been following your very moving story - this test of love and stamina , of physical and mental endurance and anguish - with a mixture of emotions that I can really not describe. I have tremendous admiration for both of you. Such a roller coaster! I was happy to see that Martijn received the sacraments for the sick from your Jesuit friend. I cannot tell you what this did for my mom and dad, particularly for my mom. She was suddenly calm and relaxed, almost happy with herself. It took away all apprehension and fear of the future.
Lately, Ross has been cleaning out the attic sorting slides and pictures, a gargantuan task. Last night I came across a photo of Martijn and myself at your house on 27th Ave. in Mpls. We sort of kneel on the floor . Now you all know that there are very few pictures where I smile. On this one Martijn and I are both in stitches. We must have been talking about Burkas while chasing a cat or two. This is how I will remember our time together: Laughter, some dry humor and a good glass of wine now and then..
I wish you a peaceful birthday, Martijn! Enjoy your friends and family, your time with Suze. . You are a very special person who has touched so many lives in such a special way. Ross, Mr. type A personality, always admired your serenity and wished that he could a bit more like you. We are with you in our thoughts, now and always.
To paraphrase Abe Lincoln: what counts is not the years in our lives but the life in our years. Megahugs and big smooches left / right - the European way - for the Birthday boy..
Blessings to you, my friends. All our love.
Monique and Ross
Dear Susie and Martijn
I am on the seaside in Pula at the moment using time to study and enjoy the seaside.
My friends have kindly offer me their house.A retread from all the worries back in Ljubljana. I was supposed to leave two days ago, but somehow could just stay for much longer.
Walking on the streets of Pula where I was almost 30 years ago I am overwhelmed with the fragility and temporarily of our lives.
Each of us , like a sea wave, same but different, appearing,passing trough and returning to the sea.
Joining in in the prayer for both of you.
Lots of love and hugs.
Irena
Dear Dear Susan –
Thank you for including me in your circle of love. Know that you and Martijn are in my heart these hard, but loved filled days. Strong guy that Martijn. Fighting the ugly attact on his body past his birthday. I turned 56 just 11 days earlier and count my blessings everyday for a healthy body. Knowing Martijn, so young, my age. It just can’t be explained. I know now having lost my father that his spirit will live on with us in deep, profound, everlasting ways. So bittersweet for you to know this deep true love then have him taken. You are impacted in ways it will take time to understand. Know that I’m here for you anytime. Love love love to both of you.
ML
Michael Lander
Susan and Martijn,
I've been checking the blog every so often, following this journey you are on these last several months.
This has surely been a difficult process for you both. Still, I remain in awe of how open you have remained throughout it all --- with friends and family, certainly --- but more important and perhaps more difficult, with each other.
There isn't much else I can say that hasn't been expressed by others many times over. Mostly I wish a gentle transition for you, Martijn. And for you, Susan, the ability to deal with the ebb and flow and the joy and sadness as you move forward with the same grace and strength you've summoned so far.
Thinking of you frequently,
Ena
Dearest Susan,
Just wanted you to know that I'll be in Belgium and in the Netherlands next week starting on Thursday... If you feel like meeting or talking, just let me know. If I could help you in any way, the same.
Love,
Magda
Hello Susan, i have been following your Blog, which i think is huge bravely & deeply beneficial, i suspect not just for yourself but i am sure many others too. My thoughts are with you & Martijn during this difficult, painful & yet wondrous time. In these unique times, somewhere between hash & undeserved difficulty and soft tenderness, we seem to get so close to such deep love, all the stuff that used to be important no longer exists, in an odd way it is a gift.
Warmest & tender regards
Karen
(SDi fellow student)
Dear Suz and Martijn,
I just read your e-mail and all I can say is I love you both. Martijn as I look at your pictures I see you so clearly. So gentle, beautiful spirit , handsome man, loving husband, sweet friend. I see such openness to the Priest, to life to death, and to the present.. I am sure this is not all the time but in those photos I remember you with such love and Joy. My heart is with you my friend.
Suz my dear my thoughts, prayers and LOVE are with you always. Your both are prayed for daily I even made up a list because there are so many to think about. But my dear I have no idea how you are able to walk this walk . You are doing a good job my dear, I am grateful you took such good care of yourself. Your body had a lot to let go of. Praise God for good friends.
I must sleep but wanted you to know I am with you daily.
Xoxoxo,
Botso
Hey Suze- I emailed you last week but have a feeling I closed my Internet without sending. Either way, I was thinking about you guys.
I read your blog today. Wow. Since what you are dealing with comprises your life right now, you may not realize it, but you are doing amazing things. Going through a life changing, life enhancing, experience that few rather than many people experience - and handle. I am sorry you both have to go through this, and Martijn is so lucky to have you- and it is so obvious he is thankful for you. Keep as strong as you are and know we are all thinking and caring about you.
With love,
Kate
Susan--I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me to hear from you about Martijn, and how much the two of you mean to us. Both you and he have been beacons and role models for us, and I am sure, for so many of your many, many friends and admirers. I am completely speechless with awe and admiration for your energy and spiritual strength. But most of all we are so concerned for both of you. I am really not so good at expressing emotions of any kind, but am feeling particularly powerless to express myself in this situation. The two of you are amazing people, and I hope you recognize how special you are. You probably take for granted your strengths and abilities, while the rest of us can only admire and try to emulate you. If there is any way to let Martijn know that we are thinking about him and wishing him the best, I hope you will do that. I offer you our love and support and affection and best wishes always.
John (and, of course, Joanne)
Dear Susan,
Just wanted to send love and light.
You are both in my prayers during your courageous journey.
with Love,
Rebel
Hi Suzie Q and Martijn too!
I just wanted to send all my love to both of y'all
from LA-
I haven't seen you for so long but you are in my heart
and mind soooo deeply-
I'm giving you both big gigantic hugs from la-la land
and sending you good tidings that my breasts are still
real and not implants. Hahahaa.
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE INFINITY-
Tanna
Dear Susan,
Thank you for sending me this link to your blog. I am very moved by what you share with us. Christel is on a short holiday, I will leave tomorrow for 1 week and a half.
I do hope you together will have the strength and peace to get through these hard days in a spirit of love and trust.
Yours,
Jan
Dear Martijn and Susan,
today I tried to take a video of my garden to send to you . Through some miracle I actually have it now on my camera!!!! Now to fiqure out how to send it to you.
I know this is a silly thing to talk about in this most difficult time however it is the "trivial" that is not sooo trivial anymore. I started taking a picture of the frog rain catcher that you gifted Bob and I. The mist that kept showing up in the photo was interesting. I thought perhaps there really are fairies in my garden and thought you needed to see the garden! So I will continue to search for a way to bring my garden to you.
More to come.
Such a short meeting ,so intense,so forever is my friendship with you both.
Much love and many kisses to you Martijn and even more hugs and kisses to you Susan.
Geraldine
Dear Susan
Ingrid keeps me posted about the developments with you and Martijn. I'm often thinking of you and feel your suffering. I keep a nice souvenir of my brief visit to Maartijn where he told me about his adventures in the hotelschool in the Boschstraaat. He is a very nice and interesting person and I hope you can still enjoy some beautiful moments with him.
Take care
Sophie
Dear Susan:
Bill and I think of you and Martijn all the time. Our love and prayers are with you.
Many blessings.
Eddie
The Langs think of you often. Tell Martijn to be brave!
Julie A. Lang
Giovanni calls it my "Gardenia" and delights in my photos of it. I'm sending some along.
My garden is my solace and my strength.
as long as I commune daily with my plants
I am at peace.
I say a prayer in my garden in Philadelphia everyday for you both.
And for all my other children.
It's a very good season for growing.
Love Nancy
Martijn and Suzy,
So strong is Love.
We are with you in our minds.
You are in our hearts.
Rob and Thérèse
Susan, Thanks for writing. And thanks for reminding me about the blog, which I just perused. Interestingly, just yesterday I was thinking about you and Martijn, and wondering how you both were doing, and mentioned to Kimberly that we hadn’t heard anything lately.
I cannot express how sorry I am that Martijn has had to go through this ordeal. It is wonderful to hear that his spirit is deep and strong. He is fortunate to have such a spiritual grounding, and to have the love and care he receives from you and the other loved ones around him. Please convey my best wishes.
On the other side of life’s comings and goings… Kimberly and I continue to delight in the sweetness of our granddaughter. We are finding great joy in watching her grow and change, and are so grateful that she lives close by, so we can be with her practically every other day, or more. I will send some very recent photos in another email. (She definitely has those irresistible breastfed-baby pulkas, you mentioned in a previous note! She’s up to 18 pounds)
Our loving thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ron K
Hello Suzy,
Henk and I look many times at your weblog. Martijn and you are often in our minds. We admire the way you both are handling the difficult situation. We wish you al the best.
Henk and Werner
You both have been in our thoughts and prayers, and will continue to be.
Elaine
Dear Susan,
I did have a look at your blog the other day, and was saddened by what looks like a rough time for you and Martijn. I hope that he is remaining comfortable and upbeat and that you are getting all the help you need. Thanks for the updates and know that we are wishing you both all the best,
Diane L
My heart is breaking for you both.All my love - Elaine Mogul
Dear Susan & Martijn, Both of you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that you and Martijn are such a strong team embraced in love and respect. Know that your friends are with you on this difficult journey. There is a higher being that ultimately makes the decisions for the directions of our lives. The love you have for each other is strong and will help you both persevere on this most difficult journey. Believe me; your friends are right with you both. Love, Michael Mahsetky
Suzie & Martijn,
You occupy our thoughts and prayers daily and though you are far away, we feel the passion and pain of your journey. I can only smile at the memories of our Holland tour, a trip that will especially live on thru Lily. She always talks about it and her wish to soon return.
An update of our lives:
Therese is busy helping friends and acquaintances buy and sell real estate as the shifting sands of the market continue. She also maintains a tight ship around here with her advanced organizational skills.
Lily is in rehearsal for a July 12 performance at the historic Pantages theater in downtown Mpls. She is dancing with the Metropolitan Ballet, including 15 Venzuelan teenage ballerinas in town from Caracas for this special gala event. She is also accompanying a dance on solo piano - Mozart's K. 330. Very exciting for a 15 yr. old.
I still don't promoted my business by bus bench or refrigerator magnet, but I did sell my largest listing, a $1.8 million house in Orono and continue to have appraisal business as well. So, despite the dire condition of the local real estate market, we are still making our way. Of course, we appreciate your referrals - sorry, I had say it.
We had a lovely garden party in our back yard on June 21 for soltice - and our 17th wedding anniversary June 22. It was a smashing success - dik, Carmen, Tessa, Scott, John, Monica, Claudia, Mary Ann, some of my friends and few skeeters - we missed you.
All our love is with you in this difficult time and we thank our good fortune for your friendship.
Tom, Therese & Lily
Hi Sue and Martijn....Always thinking of you with loving and healing thoughts...A love like yours will last though eternity...Sue, thank you for including me in your updates on Martijn...Love, Gail Hirshberg Josselson
Dear Susan,
It is good to hear from you again.
Claire and I have been checking your blog regularly and always spend some moments thinking about you both. You have had us in tears many times.
I am sending our love again here and wishing you all the strength in the world!
Love
H & C
Dear Susan and Martijn,
Thank you for remembering me and keeping me in the circle of love. I am glad to hear from you and am encouraged about the power of love. I send you both much love. xo, Suzanne van Stralen
HI SUZE. YEA, YOUR EMAIL IS COMING THROUGH! IT IS GOOD TO HEAR MARTIJN'S SPIRIT IS SOARING. I HOPE YOU ARE ABLE TO TAKE STRENGTH AND INSPIRATION FROM HIM. BE STRONG SISTER! PEACE AND LOVE, ROB
Dear Susan,
Though I don't write or call much at all, I do think of you both. If
I knew what to say, I would.
Love
Jacques
My deepest prayers go out to you both. You are an inspiration as to how to handle adversity. Penni Blaskey
thinking of you guys.
'condition worsens his spirit soars' - that is simply amazing Nic Askew : )xxxx
Suzie & Martijn:
It is so good to hear from you. I want you both to know that you are in my thoughts often. I often remember with fondness the times I visited at your home in Seward; most recently I’ve been wishing you weren’t so far away. It seems we have friends all across the globe, which is a wonderful blessing, but when it comes time to see them, it’s more challenging. Please keep the thoughts of you, from Tim and I, close to your heart. Know that we love you dearly. Giant hugs, and many loving kisses,
Janet and Tim
Susie, so good to hear from you, and so sorry to hear how bumpy your road has become. Rose and I send our love and wishes for peace. Here is a picture of our little blessing, Sophia Pearl Rose who was born on April 30th.. Michael Yampolsky
Darling Suze,
You and Martijn are on my mind and in my prayers. I've been wondering how things have been going.
I am not surprised to see you coming to understand and accept this turn of events in such a deep way. I'm glad that your nature is to be connected during this time.
You have our love.
Kate Searles
Thanks for keeping us in the loop, Susan. Prayers, luck, and good vibes, Joe Selvaggio
Suze and Martijn, I have been checking the blog and heard the beautiful concert. I'm thinking of you both.
Susan Mundale
Susan and Martijn, Thank you for writing. We think of you both every day. The human body is a mystery in so many ways. Not sure why it can produce such suffering and pain over such a long period of time. There are flowers blooming everywhere. Makes me think of the Netherlands. Just as flowers have their season so do we. Our prayers are with you to lift the suffering in some small way. Jim and Susan Welna
Hi Suz: Eddie & I were just in Florida. We saw Cindy and we all wondered how you two were making out and what the future holds for you. We send our warmest wishes to you and Martijn. Take care and stay in touch. Bill Tyson
Dear Susan and Martijn,
It does indeed bring us hope to witness the process Martijn and you are facing with such grace and strength. Your openness in sharing the overwhelming hardships and bittersweet moments has been generous and indelible in our memory. No one knows how one will cope with life's events which we all inevitably face in one form or another, but we can only hope that if ever this unbearable situation were ours, that we could express the full measure of love as you have. That is our hope. Martijn and you are blessed by your love for each other and all the outpouring of love from those around you. We are adding to that circle.
You have shown us that each moment under any circumstances can and should be a cherished universe. For this we are very grateful.
Love always,
Tim and Michal
Dear Susan,
Tears are coming up while reading your message and the weblog. Although we know all this is going to happen, it is coming very close now... You did not hear from me because I presumed that Martijn would prefer to see only family members, since I know from my mother's and brother's illness that people moving around and talking becomes so tiring.. It not only is a matter of standing the pain but also the confrontation with beloved ones who want to see him and say farewell, while he is fighting the days through, physically and mentally, knowing that he is leaving behind dear people with so much sorrow.
You, Susan, must be living in flush, in a whirl (I do not know the correct translation for 'in een roes leven' ), in a mixture of courage and sorrow and feelings of mightlessness.
Whenever you need my help, give me a phone call or send me an e-mail message ( i.regout@kpnplanet.nl ). I hesitate phoning myself, because I do not want you to feel obliged to anything. I keep on thinking of you both, of what you are going through, of Martijn's marvellous spirit, also of his mother who is loosing her son.
Give all my love to Martijn, and to yourself, my dear.
Ingrid
Hi Susan,
I am speechless by the reverence and beauty of your journey together. you have taught us all so much. If I can do something to help you gain some energy away from home let me know...my love to Martijn. i would love to visit him but he seems so fragile..maybe writing is easier for him.
I wonder if my brother Kevin knows Father Carel. The jesuits are a close community . Kevin teaches at the Greg ( Gregoriaan university Rome ) He was the dean of theology department up until last year. Now he teaches and has returned to writing which is his passion.
trish
Dearest Susan and Martijn,
My thoughts and prayers are with both of you daily! You're truly blessed to have one another through this ordeal... and we're so fortunate that you share your experiences with us. Shine on, you beautiful beacons, with your love, strength, and warmth!
Lots of love from Philadelphia!
Merci
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