Martijn's Reflections and Waiting for Tests

Martijn in January 2008, cafe atop the V&D department store, Maastricht

Life surely is one moment at a time.  Here we are savoring our small, precious moments of day-to-day activities. Martijn, thanks to the timely intervention of our wonderful general practitioner (huisarts), Dr. Maurice Bom,  is feeling more comfortable. Maurice paid a house call last Wednesday evening, the day our guests, Dave, David and Roberta departed. Two simple prescriptions, one to help relieve constipation, the other to reduce the swelling caused by the tumor, have made a big difference. Martijn's appetite has returned and he is determined to keep his weight up. This is important and good. 

The long waits for more tests, however, are not good. We are now scheduled for his PET/CT (cat) scan combination on March 28th. The biopsy was more than a week ago confirming that the cancer had returned. Now another long wait. These delays shake my beliefs that everything happens for a purpose - to teach us something. Rather I feel anxious and unhappy that we are forced to wait.

Yet, yesterday, a day filled with business related activities for me, I asked Martijn to begin to write me small notes with his famous, delightful illustrations (bet you didn't know about his drawing). Our intention is to build a small log of our feelings during this time. Yesterday's note contained a cute drawing of a cat face from a cushion we have that nestles on the couch in his study, and his reflection that: "I feel very calm and I think it has to do with my philosophy background." As always he enjoyed the stillness around him, but I was grateful to know that was made pleasurable with "the expectation that you will soon will come back and fill the space with another voice...." I share these feelings. I inhabit this space so happily with the knowledge of Martijn's quiet presence in another room. It is impossible to imagine it otherwise.