Reflections on Turning 60

Suze and Pia at Ipanema Party, April 3, 2010

Suze and Sandra celebrate in Limburg's mellow countryside

April 5, 2010

Privileged to be with Sandra and Maurice's family, Levi, 11 and Britt, 10

It has been a monumental birthday, beginning with my trip to Florida, buying a new home there, reconnecting with friends and family, to returning to my home for the past almost six years here in Maastricht, Limburg, the Netherlands.

Transitions ideally should be made with great intentionality; some, of course, overtake us, like Martijn's illness and death. But even then if we prepare ourselves we can and should develop the awareness necessary to experience/feel the changes, integrate the feelings (sorrow, joy, fear, even neutrality), and hopefully transcend them. It is said that those who cannot feel deep sorrow can also not experience great joy. And so, I admit freely the depth of my continued sorrow at simply not having Martijn's joyous being by my side for this historic birthday anniversary. However, please don't mistake this sadness for depression; I am embracing the next phases of my life; I am sensing how much happier I would be if I could share it with Martijn; and, I nevertheless also am grateful for all the blessings I have.

Incorporate and transcend: I now will work with great intent to build on all I have in order to create a solid and wise next foundation. Thank you to all my dear friends and family for your amazing and continued love and support.

Time of Healing

Susan and Cindy, Boca Raton, Florida, April 14, 2009

Typically vacation time flies by. This trip was different. Time seemed to go at its appointed pace, neither too fast nor slow. My stay at Cindy's was balm for my soul. Her home is a place where Martijn and I stayed each year for almost 12 years. But I've know Cindy for over 35 years, so I have had memories from a time before my marriage. This factored into making this a trip of healing for me. It was the first time since Martijn's death that I've felt so relaxed, so in my own skin. Much of this was due to Cindy's generosity and pure friendship. Each morning while she worked, I had time to spend alone - walking to our beloved Light House Point, wandering along the beach, sitting and watching the sea, swimming in her pool - all the time reflecting how happy these simple activities made Martijn, and how happy they make me. Cindy kept me busy in the afternoons with little trips and visits and fun dinners out. Our schedule was perfect and for me, stress-less, as Cindy did all the planning and driving. As a plus, I met a wonderful new friend who is originally from the Netherlands, Ineke Wolfs, who kindly drove me to the airport on my departure day. And, I had time to spend a little more time with her neighbors, Barbara and Michael, who are salt of the earth individuals. So, once again, through friendship and caring I am ushered into the springtime of my mourning, able to enjoy the tender green leaves and colorful sprouts, even through my occasional tears.