Birthday Awakening

Me and Cindy, my birthday, Palm Beach, Florida, April 5, 2009

This is my third journey to the United States since Martijn passed away. I wanted to pass my birthday in the company of my dear friend, Cindy Serano, for multiple reasons. Cindy is one of the warmest most authentic people I know. She lives 'inside her skin' - open and giving. Her warmth is legendary amongst her friends who bask in its glow. I do not exaggerate - and therefore I feel most fortunate to be counted amongst her long-time, good friends.

Cindy's home is where Martijn and spent our honeymoon 13 years ago just after Valentine's Day. And, year after year her chosen spot in south Florida is where we pilgrimaged, incorporating our family with hers.

Vince, Cindy, Me and Martijn February 2005, Fairchild Botanical Garden, Coral Gables, Florida, Dale Chihuly exhibit

Once Cindy met my beloved Aunt Ada, she welcomed Ada into the life of her cherished elders - her mother and Aunt Evelyn. On one of our many trips here, we brought Martijn's mother, Geri and Marcel. That trip remains one of my most cherished times here. We stayed in a penthouse apartment overlooking Pompano Beach's spectacular Light House Cove, with its pristine expanse of turquoise water and fine white sand. During that trip we introduced Cindy's family and mine to my in-laws, meshing circles in a most loving and natural way - my favorite pastime. 

Me and dear Aunt Ada, Cindy's Patio, Pompano Beach

And there's more. Cindy sadly understands all too well what I'm currently experiencing. Twenty-five years ago her beloved husband and my beloved friend, Michael, died in a tragic accident, leaving her a young widow with an eight-year-old son, Andy. Michael Serano was my first friend to die. The impact of his death has stayed with me all these years. Now, I am united with Cindy in an unenviable pact - "the sisterhood of those who have lost that which is most dear". 

Cindy created a happy day for me. We spent the night before with dear old friends, Elise and Andy Charne, for a Chinese dinner. My birthday was spent in the company of Billy Tyson and his wife, Eddie, dear dear friends for over 30 years, who hosted us for a brunch on their balcony overlooking Palm Beach. Later in the day we joined Michael and Barbara, Cindy's neighbors who have become great friends over the these many years, for a sunset on Pompano Beach.

Elise and Andy

Bill, Eddie and Cindy

Michael and Barbara

I was graced with birthday greetings from friends everywhere, helping me through this first post-Martijn event. And, with the warm southern Florida winds beneath my wings, I see glimmers of my future unfolding. Only those with a special understanding of loss and letting go can truly 'know' how difficult it is to see such a future. All of the zen quotes and wisdom of letting go and being in the present don't really contribute to this giant step. Each individual must arrive there at her/his own time. Grief therapists understand that this 'embracing the future' means, in fact, a second sense of loss. Another shock. But, in the embrace of so many friends, that shock is lessened and the future beckons. Thank you for this gift, dear friends.