Martijn Hermse, Schiphol Airport, June 1995. This is a photo of our first goodbye after meeting, falling in love and spending an entire month together in Amsterdam. Truthfully, it was almost our last goodbye. Martijn soon came to Minnesota for a month. Then I returned to Europe on business two times - the second of which Martijn returned with me to America to begin our life together, not to be separated again.
This morning I awoke alone in the house again. My dear Spanish roommate, Irene, has moved into her own apartment so she can enjoy a more independent lifestyle during her architecture internship here in Maastricht. I miss her but this decision is good. We'll now continue our friendship but not living in the same space.
I awoke this morning also not alone, filled with the growing reconnection I am receiving via the virtual world! How strange. I am so much a flesh and blood individual but email, the web, FaceBook, even LinkedIn are now filling me with life-like connectedness, which I need. Even my daily, customized horoscope occasionally provides me 'spot on' advice. Like this morning's :
The larger view
Psychologically, this influence broadens your comprehension of any issue that you are interested in and your understanding of life in general as you encounter it today. You are concerned with the largest, most comprehensive possible view, and you are eager to incorporate new information into your way of looking at the world. At the same time you are intellectually more tolerant of other viewpoints, seeing them not as a threat to your views, but as a way of enlarging them. Your ability to see the larger view today enables you to plan with foresight. Where others see only confusion, you can see a pattern and come up with insights that will amaze others. In business or social activities you are able to organize very effectively, grouping people together so they can work most efficiently.
Psychologically, this influence broadens your comprehension of any issue that you are interested in and your understanding of life in general as you encounter it today. You are concerned with the largest, most comprehensive possible view, and you are eager to incorporate new information into your way of looking at the world. At the same time you are intellectually more tolerant of other viewpoints, seeing them not as a threat to your views, but as a way of enlarging them. Your ability to see the larger view today enables you to plan with foresight. Where others see only confusion, you can see a pattern and come up with insights that will amaze others. In business or social activities you are able to organize very effectively, grouping people together so they can work most efficiently.
I did awake this morning with a larger view, even before I consulted the "oracle" heh, heh. One of the emails I received this morning was from a dear and cherished friend from Minneapolis who Martijn and I considered the aunty of our beloved cats, Yin, Yang and Snoepje. Aunt Jane Eyestone, a tremendously talented photographer and designer, and I are back in touch. I hope she doesn't mind, but here's an excerpt from my response to her email that indeed reflects my "larger view":
... Regarding your present situation – it is unbelievably difficult now for so many in the world. According to the ancient Mayans we are entering a truly New Age. I always believed this would happen, but who knew it would happen this way - a global economic crisis, a new American President who is almost mythological in proportion, civil unrest intensifying in so many places in the world, and so on. Certainly losing Martijn for me trumps all of this. It provides a ‘terrible’ perspective. But it doesn’t mitigate nor minimize the suffering, the fear, the sense of loss and instability that you and others are now feeling. Sometimes I feel that Martijn was so spiritual, so gentle, so, if you’ll forgive me, holy, that his death, which he did with so much grace for OTHERS, has had a profound impact on my ability to process this immense external crisis better. I often think that Martijn gifted me when he passed on. I’ve gone through stages regarding my feelings about this gift – anger being a big one. We often promised each other to never leave the other. (He knew that one of my greatest emotional fears was abandonment.) So, indeed, his death triggered this greatest fear. But, somehow, all the surrounding elements in my life have provided me the way to work through this fear for the first time, the first time ever. Pretty big gift, yes?
So, I think this time on earth could be the pretty big gift for all of us, well, for most of us, if we can only learn how to go through it in grace rather than fear and anger. This is long way to say I hope you keep your faith in how good and talented you are. In how much others see this and appreciate you. I’m a big fan and am hoping to see you and spend time together again in the near future.
Big hugs, Susan
So, I think this time on earth could be the pretty big gift for all of us, well, for most of us, if we can only learn how to go through it in grace rather than fear and anger. This is long way to say I hope you keep your faith in how good and talented you are. In how much others see this and appreciate you. I’m a big fan and am hoping to see you and spend time together again in the near future.
Big hugs, Susan
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