"Marty's back. He says he couldn't find anybody to schmooze with."
©2004 WEBER
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was
smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and
everyone around you is crying.
- From an email sent by good friend, Kay Dixon
Martijn lived his life just this way. He truly died with a smile on his face. During the time we were together, almost 14 years, he had found a center and balance, a rhythm and perspective in his life that many of us strive towards or pray for. Martijn would be the first to laugh off any portrait that would depict him as perfect, or an angel; however, he would readily admit that he had discovered a way to be comfortable in his own skin. Said another way, he worked at being an individual who stayed true to his values – he truly worked at it. And as it became inevitable that his time on earth was ending, he strove also towards acceptance of that and in so doing, he found peace.
everyone around you is crying.
- From an email sent by good friend, Kay Dixon
Martijn lived his life just this way. He truly died with a smile on his face. During the time we were together, almost 14 years, he had found a center and balance, a rhythm and perspective in his life that many of us strive towards or pray for. Martijn would be the first to laugh off any portrait that would depict him as perfect, or an angel; however, he would readily admit that he had discovered a way to be comfortable in his own skin. Said another way, he worked at being an individual who stayed true to his values – he truly worked at it. And as it became inevitable that his time on earth was ending, he strove also towards acceptance of that and in so doing, he found peace.
We had the time to share between us his insights, hopes and fears, and I can say, he was not afraid of dying and he believed that his spirit would return to protect me, to help me through what he knew already would be my own dark days. In calm and serenity, I can report that his spirit is here within me just as he predicted and promised. Not only have I felt it, but I have witnessed physical manifestations. And last week, a friend who was here for tea saw the same manifestation and blurted out “Oh, I’ve just seen Martijn here!”
Many of you will take such information in your own way. Some simply will be happy that I find comfort in such ‘imaginings’. Some will be worried that I am somehow ‘off-kilter’ or worse, delusional. Some will nod, maybe secretly acknowledging that they, too, have had sensations of, well – knowledge that there exists something more beyond our living, human physical presence. And others won’t care at all, simply hoping that I am moving forward, ‘making progress’, staying rational. Whatever your beliefs, it should be comforting to know that I am more and more at peace, feeling ‘my wings’ again. Martijn told me and wrote to me that he ‘knew’ we would never be separated, even through death, and now seven months later, I understand what he meant, in a positive and good way.
My therapist, Alied, gave me a lovely, powerful, challenging book written by the renowned author of The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis, entitled, A Grief Observed, written as a journal after the death of his beloved wife. I recommend this book for anyone who wants a raw and brilliant analysis of experiencing loss of a beloved mate. Though I do not share many of Lewis’ insights or experiences, I find that his perspective regarding how the surviving partner experiences the ‘incorporation’ of the shared love/experiences/bond between two lovers after the death of one to be ‘spot on’ as the Brits say.
And so, I found the cartoon from an old New Yorker, also to be spot on in a simply hilarious way. When Martijn became a massage therapist at a large health club in downtown Minneapolis, he chose to use the nickname, ‘Marty’ for his plastic name tag. Anyone who knew Martijn would find this ironic. He was no 'Marty'. But he loved this little joke and thought that the choice of an American-style nickname helped him to fit in better, something at that time in his life he did indeed relish. Similarly, my Marty was no schmoozer. He had no need for small talk – quite contrary, he enjoyed deep and meaningful conversation. But as we know, Martijn was a world-class kibitzer, and on a day I was feeling so low and lonely I turned to this page in a five-year-old magazine to find this cartoon by WEBER. I do apologize to the copyright gods – forgive me for transgressing, but I couldn’t resist. And, yes, I believe that Marty’s Back!
As am I, staying put here in Maastricht until I am whole and centered and balanced and can find my place in the world. This home seems where my Marty can most readily schmooze with me!
Many of you will take such information in your own way. Some simply will be happy that I find comfort in such ‘imaginings’. Some will be worried that I am somehow ‘off-kilter’ or worse, delusional. Some will nod, maybe secretly acknowledging that they, too, have had sensations of, well – knowledge that there exists something more beyond our living, human physical presence. And others won’t care at all, simply hoping that I am moving forward, ‘making progress’, staying rational. Whatever your beliefs, it should be comforting to know that I am more and more at peace, feeling ‘my wings’ again. Martijn told me and wrote to me that he ‘knew’ we would never be separated, even through death, and now seven months later, I understand what he meant, in a positive and good way.
My therapist, Alied, gave me a lovely, powerful, challenging book written by the renowned author of The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis, entitled, A Grief Observed, written as a journal after the death of his beloved wife. I recommend this book for anyone who wants a raw and brilliant analysis of experiencing loss of a beloved mate. Though I do not share many of Lewis’ insights or experiences, I find that his perspective regarding how the surviving partner experiences the ‘incorporation’ of the shared love/experiences/bond between two lovers after the death of one to be ‘spot on’ as the Brits say.
And so, I found the cartoon from an old New Yorker, also to be spot on in a simply hilarious way. When Martijn became a massage therapist at a large health club in downtown Minneapolis, he chose to use the nickname, ‘Marty’ for his plastic name tag. Anyone who knew Martijn would find this ironic. He was no 'Marty'. But he loved this little joke and thought that the choice of an American-style nickname helped him to fit in better, something at that time in his life he did indeed relish. Similarly, my Marty was no schmoozer. He had no need for small talk – quite contrary, he enjoyed deep and meaningful conversation. But as we know, Martijn was a world-class kibitzer, and on a day I was feeling so low and lonely I turned to this page in a five-year-old magazine to find this cartoon by WEBER. I do apologize to the copyright gods – forgive me for transgressing, but I couldn’t resist. And, yes, I believe that Marty’s Back!
As am I, staying put here in Maastricht until I am whole and centered and balanced and can find my place in the world. This home seems where my Marty can most readily schmooze with me!
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