My American 'brothers', David Fey & Michael Putman traveled to Maastricht in late April to offer support and love. They stayed with us for a few days before heading to Amsterdam and back home to Minneapolis. It was a most meaningful visit. David stayed with me for a week when Martijn underwent surgery in October; Michael actually got his very passport and made his very first visit outside North American for this occasion.
Father Carel van Tulder, a retired Jesuit priest, will facilitate the memorial service for Martijn. We've been meeting regularly. Carel is comforting and grounding for us. He is open to our ideas for the service and says he is amazed at how centered we seem to be. We are grateful that he is in our circle.
Werner, Martijn's dear friend from university days, and his partner Henk, spend some time with us a few weeks back.
Therese and Rob Frank enjoy a spot of sun in our courtyard. They go back to Martijn's university days, the same time he knew Werner.
It has been an emotionally draining time for me. Martijn, thankfully, continues to be comfortable, but in the past weeks we've begun to finalize the plans for the memorial service, funeral, and cemetery. In each case there has been a bittersweet poignancy in the activities.
Martijn and I treat each subject with love and respect, even making jokes and being lighthearted. And the various individuals, like Father van Tulder, who are involved fill my heart with gratitude.
Yesterday we chose the location for the memorial service, which will be the stunning St. Jan's Kerk in the literal middle of Maastricht - its center square, the Vrijthof. Both Martijn and I were pleased to learn it is available and has all the features we wanted - central location, beautiful interior, ample seating and excellent musical facilities. Our beloved friend, Herman Rouw, has agreed to play and organize the music. Herman is world class conductor, composer and pianist, but most important, he is our dear friend. He has also agreed to accompany one of my newer friends, Pia Brand, who works with me at ECDPM. Pia has kindly offered to sing the moving song, "Beloved Wife", by Natalie Merchant, a tribute of one spouse to the other. Martijn and I love this song and have agreed it will end the service.
We also selected the location where the Dutch coffee table will take place - the fortress that sits atop Maastricht. This is the typical gathering here that follows the funeral. The church and this fort are places Martijn and I love and so have a lot of meaning. Yesterday we also selected the coffin and today, our dear friend Maurice Schoffelen accompanied me as I drove in my new car share to the cemetery that Martijn asked me to check. It is where his grandfather Martijn Mullens rests. By coincidence the caretaker was available and I was able to secure the spot to the right of his grandfather and grandmother's gravesite. Our good friend, Frank Koekenbaker, "Cookie", visited with Martijn while we made these arrangements.
As you may imagine these are details that must be attended to. And while we are both grateful that Martijn can make the arrangements as he prefers, it has taken all of my equilibrium to do these things with grace.
Tonight, Ursula stopped by with Martijn's favorite newspapers and some special treats from her native Blackforest in Germany, and the wonderful owners of our favorite Maastricht restaurant, Le Courage, prepared and delivered a lovely dinner requested by Martijn - sweetbreads with grilled potatoes and veggies. We feasted as we often do, watching the Australian television series, "McLeod's Daughters". Our poignant plans now underway, hopefully we can enjoy each day that we have left.
6 comments:
Sweetie,
Such poigiant prose. Every sentence broke my heart. You are giving Martijn an amazing gift.
I am toasting you two with the bejeweled martini glass you gave me ten years ago. I have used it every night since we heard what this last chapter was going to look like...remembering you and Martijn with love and light...and a little vodka.
Michael
Dear Susan and Martijn,
When reading this, I realise the paradox of how hard it is to have to arrange all these things and at the same how good it is having the opportunity to do it together. I imagine, while preparing everything, 'details' you often passed by, which seemed to be normal in your daily life, become meaningful and important. Friends and family, the precise words, a poem, the song that makes you share the same emotions, the perfect location, memories, it all gets an extra dimension and becomes very intense.
Thank you for sharing all these moments with us. For Martijn: ich bran e bougieke beij Slevrouw veur krach en inspiratie veur uuch twie.
Lots of love, Ingrid
Dear Susie & Martijn,
So beautifully you show the essence of why we are here...for each other...to embrace, laugh, smile, cry, but most of all, to feel the fully human experience. Thank you for your graceful invitation to feel this moment while welcoming the next--with all its wonder and mystery. I see an open mind, an open heart, and an open will for this moment to be experienced.
With you with all my love,
Paul Scheele
Your Grace and Strength amaze me.
The doggies wish to send kisses for all of you....yes, the kitties too.
Loving thoughts and Good Energy for your hearts and Soul.
no comment
thinking of you both with love
hannah
Dear, Dear Ones -
I am back until Monday. (This year a laptop would have been a nice accompaniment). My heart is so full from reading your blogs and hearing sweet Martijn reading from "Cat Tales".
Your acceptance and strength is so beautiful to me. I learn from you as I walk with you both, close to my heart each day and I am comforted by Michael's image of you "walking hand in hand... living in the now".
I, too, am grateful for every glorious day each of us has to walk, in the love and light of knowing, that no matter how difficult things may be, there is always beauty around and in us all.
Grace is the word I hold for this time. And grace is the astounding path you take, step by step, hand in hand.
Suze, thank you so much for your open hearted blogs that allow us the opportunity to "Take the time to memorize each other." A meditation of memory that runs so deep.
My candles are still lit, to send you love and support. And, of course, I do love you so!
Anne
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