Unsettled

“Unsettled”: The title of my memoir, and a compelling anthropology of the Jews, by Melvin Konner, given to me with a precious inscription from Martijn shortly before our decision to move to his hometown, Maastricht. Today's NYT Op-Ed by Roger Cohen captures the dilemma of modernity - a rootlessness experienced by those of us who have had the 'privilege' of mobility. In his essay prompted by the question, "Where would you spend the last days of your life?", many of us revert to "a happiness whose other name was home."

With a birthday tomorrow, a brain scan scheduled next week, it is a worthwhile question to contemplate.

My lifelong quest has been to find a truly inner-peace that defines home. I found this sense just prior to meeting Martijn; it was because of that 'inner-opening', that self-awareness, that the full power and comfort within my relationship with Martijn was unleashed. As the words from the Kabbalah state, "When two souls who are destined to find each do, their individual strands of light entwine reaching straight to heaven, causing a stronger, single strand.”

This is to say, a blessed union is an ultimate home.

I returned to Minneapolis assuming that the physical place of our mutual happiness would be home. I am coming to learn, yet again, that a state of grace is truly only possible with inner-peace, whatever spiritual practice one has, a calm knowing that right-mindedness and acceptance are the bedrocks of 'home', and each new day requires a determined focus in seeing light even when darkness shrugs in.

Loving others well provides the walls for true home, and the roof is being loved back.