Spirit Speak

Martijn and I sit happily in front of our window in the Seward neighborhood of Minneapolis, Minnesota, the community we so sadly departed to relocate here to Maastricht, the Netherlands. We were interviewed for an article in October 1999, ten years ago, focusing on how many homeowners were converting their duplex homes (homes made into a main residence plus a rental unit) into home businesses. 

Scrolling through the files of our local online expat newspaper, Crossroads, I came across this photo of Martijn (left) attending the speech by Jeremy Rifkin who spoke at the 2007 Schuman Lecture, hosted by the Univeristy of Maastricht, on May 9th.

My life is beginning to be busier, filled with some small work projects, slightly more social events, work on my various creative projects, and Dutch lessons. Sitting at my desk doing my Dutch homework, using Martijn's lovely dictionaries and finding corrections and notes from him brought tears of loss to my eyes. As always during these moments of pain, moments of feeling the intense sense of loss of his company and love, I pray for a sign...I ask where in world he may be. I ask if he's still with me, still in me, still protecting me and caring for me as he always did. And time after time when I ask for such impossible reassurance come signs, small messages of love beyond time and space.

Yesterday, while searching for a phone number in an old personal phone book I found the clipping from the Seward Profile newspaper at the top of this posting. Relaxed and happy, as always with Martijn's strong arm around my shoulder, I took time to remember just how full and good our life was. A stolen moment, a stolen memory, a voice from beyond time and space?

And then, this morning, slogging through my Dutch homework, I felt compelled to take a short break. Cruising through my Crossroads online news I was shocked when I found Martijn's lovely profile as he listened to the Jeremy Rifkin lecture. In May 2007 we already knew about the cancer, yet we continued to live a full and good life - interested in our world.

I now try to keep that fullness, I try to reincorporate that goodness, I try to come alive for both of us.