Martijn & Jan, Minneapolis, 1999
In the days leading up to, during and immediately after Martijn's death, my brother-in-law, Janus Hermse, has been a godsend to me. Martijn asked Jan to 'take care of me' as he asked me 'to take care of Jan'. Janus has been a rock and I'm grateful not only to him, but to my sister-in-law, Irma for sharing him with me during these trying times. Jan's love for Martijn was passionately matched by Martijn's for him. At the funeral service in Maastricht Janus bravely delivered the keynote memorial, describing in loving yet direct detail his perspective of his beloved brother Martijn. My dear friend, David Fey, graciously read this at the moonlit memorial in Minnesota, now two months ago, and my wonderful ex-husband, Bob Ingram, did so at the service in Philadelphia. I share this speech with you so that you can better know Martijn from Jan's intimate and loving point of view:
Memorial speech by Janus Hermse for the funeral ceremony of his
brother Martijn Hermse - Maastricht, July 30th, 2008.
My brother was a Minsch. This Limburgian word is clearly related to the German-Yiddish Mensch and difficult to translate. In short, it characterizes a human being that is present, visible as a complete person and expressing this in his way of life. No hero, no idol, no superman but a human being who is standing in his strengths and weaknesses; a human being living his humanness in all its facets. And Martijn did live. Sometimes without any compromise and hard yet more and more often in a gentle, understanding and compassionate way.
Martijn had, particularly in he past, a clear vision on society and was quite opinionated about how people should live. He also translated this to his own life and tried to live according to his principles. Yet, he would also impose his vision on his parents, his brothers and sister, telling them what they should do according to him. His heavy involvement with his environment and family led to quite some confrontations or fights that sometimes ended in periods of hardly a word spoken. His affection for his beloved ones then got lost behind hard “truths”.
When I was between 10 and 14 years old, I saw Martijn as an almost frightening older brother, with a coercive presence in our house when he came home from his studies in the weekends . His room was his sanctuary where nothing could be changed even if he would only come once every six weeks. He determined what we ate and which programmes we watched on TV. The rules of the house were partly made by him. The reasons for this are not fully clear to me. May be he wanted to make the world a better place and struggled with his very rational approach to reality and the powerlessness that he felt in this endeavor.
Martijn was involved in everything and did not circumvent anything on his search for the truth. Over the years, probably due to his growing experience and wisdom, he opened himself to a more loving approach. He had more attention for others and could appreciate them more in their uniqueness. This is also how Susan came into his life en how we got to see more of the other side of Martijn: a gentle, caring and emotionally committed man.
When I was about 16 years old, I got closer with Martijn. We shared a passion for culture and visited concerts, plays and movies together. We had hour-long conversations while enjoying one of the special liqueurs that he had discovered. Through Martijn I got to know Mahler, Wagner and Artimotov, the beauty and consolation of art and the big city of Amsterdam. Partly, I became an artist thanks to Martijn; he introduced me to a world that before had been unknown to me. I understood that Martijn had found a new environment in which he could develop himself further. In Amsterdam and Nijmegen, he built a big circle of friends with whom he is still connected.
In Amsterdam, I got to know him as a gallant host who wanted to please his guests and would entertain them with all kinds of things to know and see. He shared his universe with my father, mother, Marcel and me. He displayed the same hospitality with others. You were always welcome to stay and eat at his place. He entertained his guests with funny stories, humor and sometimes bizarre jokes; A humor that we shared and that became part of our family.
Martijn was also famous for his economical way of living, not in his dealings with people but in daily matters. He would buy bread that was a day old to get a discount. He used teabags twice or three times. He enjoyed it when something was for free. This way he was able to create a quality lifestyle without much money. Particularly, because at the same time he could live like a dandy. If he considered it worthwhile, he would spend money on luxuries goods, such as exclusive liqueurs, perfumes or ingredients for meals.
When he met Susan and moved to the States, these personal characteristics developed further. There, he stole the hearts and minds of many people. This was not only his merit as I also got to know his American friends as open, warm and committed people who created space for uniqueness, originality and love. This is the soil where Martin could grow and develop himself into a complete person.
Martijn was a romantic. We shared the same preferences for movies, literature, music, poems, arts and politics that were emotionally charged, displayed sharp contrasts, had dark sometimes melancholic undertones, expressed the non-obvious, the unspeakable and irrational, the longing for a better world en the search for the overwhelming ardor of existence. Where the world extended beyond the directly visible and nothing was as it appeared. Where we were part of the universe, connected in the big and small. Ratio versus Pathos, Apollo versus Dionysus, light versus darkness. A swirling and moving universe in which nothing is fixed. Contradictions that were unified in Martijn. He did not want to lead an easy life and kept on searching for the truth. This made him a Minsch.
Another aspect of his romantic nature showed in his travels. Martijn started early on to read books about foreign countries, he knew a lot about geography, knew the train schedules by heart and dreamt about all kinds of special journeys. And he did not only dream. Every year he traveled for longer or shorter periods to foreign countries and cities: Morocco, Greece, Poland, Bulgaria, Romania, Mexico, and, of course, the US. These journeys were a means to enlarge his cultural but also his human universe. At almost every journey he made new friends. Particularly with Germany and the former Eastern block he developed a special relationship, not surprisingly, as there lies the soil of the romantic spirit. Through his travels and his living in the US, he redeveloped a strong bond with nature. The spaciousness, openness, quietness, and diversity of the landscape spoke to him.
Concern for the body and health were part of this nature. He paid much attention to his own body, his health and the health of others. Mind and body had to be in balance.
Also in love matters he was a romantic. He loved deeply and unconditionally. There was no compromise, when you love you give yourself fully and stay faithful. He did not go for less. He could be demanding but also generously giving. He got disappointed heavily a couple of times. He had to go a long way to finally find the peace and safety in a love that fitted him.
He gave up his life in the Netherlands to build a new existence with Susan in the US. He did this full of love and conviction. Susan and Martijn developed a great love and connection with each other where they both could grow as persons. Martijn found his great love.
At the same time, he stayed faithful to his family and old friends with whom he maintained intense contact.
Martijn had a strong bond with his family. We are not a standard family, were dispersed during our youth and developed separately mainly due to our age differences. Nevertheless, there was a strong connection based on commitment, solidarity and a shared history with love for each other. His relationship with his father was complicated but developed from confrontation to understanding, acceptance and a shared love for music. Each month, Martijn went with his father to the Vara-matinee in Amsterdam to listen to concerts. Martijn had a special connection to his mother. Closely related and open, they could share a lot with each other. Together with Marcel they traveled a lot and Marcel became a sort of brother for Marijn.
Even if the relationship with our brother and Noel and sister Elly was problematic when old demons reappeared, the sharp borders softened and Martijn was able to see his brother and sister more and more. Martijn also became more of an uncle interested in his nieces and nephews. There clearly was more space for the other which enabled him to share more of his love.
In his love, Martijn developed into a complete person, able to give and more and more also able to share and receive. He was able to see the other more fully and could give more space. Confrontation became less important. He learned to love himself more and more and through this the other.
If I look at the life of my brother Martijn, I see a person who really lived. He had to walk many different paths. A person who made many journeys and detours, he got to know beautiful experiences, great love and friendships but also pain, fear and alienation. He could be a wonderfully warm person and at times he was hurtful and hard. He loved life and enjoyed it in all its facets. At the same time he was against soulless consumerism. He was the searcher who would not easily run away with an idea, but was searching for the truth, the unique, the original, that what matters in life. He did not forget his fellow men, was politically aware and felt solidarity with the lower class of society, those who have nothing.
Martijn was involved in everything and did not circumvent anything on his search for the truth. Over the years, probably due to his growing experience and wisdom, he opened himself to a more loving approach. He had more attention for others and could appreciate them more in their uniqueness. This is also how Susan came into his life en how we got to see more of the other side of Martijn: a gentle, caring and emotionally committed man.
When I was about 16 years old, I got closer with Martijn. We shared a passion for culture and visited concerts, plays and movies together. We had hour-long conversations while enjoying one of the special liqueurs that he had discovered. Through Martijn I got to know Mahler, Wagner and Artimotov, the beauty and consolation of art and the big city of Amsterdam. Partly, I became an artist thanks to Martijn; he introduced me to a world that before had been unknown to me. I understood that Martijn had found a new environment in which he could develop himself further. In Amsterdam and Nijmegen, he built a big circle of friends with whom he is still connected.
In Amsterdam, I got to know him as a gallant host who wanted to please his guests and would entertain them with all kinds of things to know and see. He shared his universe with my father, mother, Marcel and me. He displayed the same hospitality with others. You were always welcome to stay and eat at his place. He entertained his guests with funny stories, humor and sometimes bizarre jokes; A humor that we shared and that became part of our family.
Martijn was also famous for his economical way of living, not in his dealings with people but in daily matters. He would buy bread that was a day old to get a discount. He used teabags twice or three times. He enjoyed it when something was for free. This way he was able to create a quality lifestyle without much money. Particularly, because at the same time he could live like a dandy. If he considered it worthwhile, he would spend money on luxuries goods, such as exclusive liqueurs, perfumes or ingredients for meals.
When he met Susan and moved to the States, these personal characteristics developed further. There, he stole the hearts and minds of many people. This was not only his merit as I also got to know his American friends as open, warm and committed people who created space for uniqueness, originality and love. This is the soil where Martin could grow and develop himself into a complete person.
Martijn was a romantic. We shared the same preferences for movies, literature, music, poems, arts and politics that were emotionally charged, displayed sharp contrasts, had dark sometimes melancholic undertones, expressed the non-obvious, the unspeakable and irrational, the longing for a better world en the search for the overwhelming ardor of existence. Where the world extended beyond the directly visible and nothing was as it appeared. Where we were part of the universe, connected in the big and small. Ratio versus Pathos, Apollo versus Dionysus, light versus darkness. A swirling and moving universe in which nothing is fixed. Contradictions that were unified in Martijn. He did not want to lead an easy life and kept on searching for the truth. This made him a Minsch.
Another aspect of his romantic nature showed in his travels. Martijn started early on to read books about foreign countries, he knew a lot about geography, knew the train schedules by heart and dreamt about all kinds of special journeys. And he did not only dream. Every year he traveled for longer or shorter periods to foreign countries and cities: Morocco, Greece, Poland, Bulgaria, Romania, Mexico, and, of course, the US. These journeys were a means to enlarge his cultural but also his human universe. At almost every journey he made new friends. Particularly with Germany and the former Eastern block he developed a special relationship, not surprisingly, as there lies the soil of the romantic spirit. Through his travels and his living in the US, he redeveloped a strong bond with nature. The spaciousness, openness, quietness, and diversity of the landscape spoke to him.
Concern for the body and health were part of this nature. He paid much attention to his own body, his health and the health of others. Mind and body had to be in balance.
Also in love matters he was a romantic. He loved deeply and unconditionally. There was no compromise, when you love you give yourself fully and stay faithful. He did not go for less. He could be demanding but also generously giving. He got disappointed heavily a couple of times. He had to go a long way to finally find the peace and safety in a love that fitted him.
He gave up his life in the Netherlands to build a new existence with Susan in the US. He did this full of love and conviction. Susan and Martijn developed a great love and connection with each other where they both could grow as persons. Martijn found his great love.
At the same time, he stayed faithful to his family and old friends with whom he maintained intense contact.
Martijn had a strong bond with his family. We are not a standard family, were dispersed during our youth and developed separately mainly due to our age differences. Nevertheless, there was a strong connection based on commitment, solidarity and a shared history with love for each other. His relationship with his father was complicated but developed from confrontation to understanding, acceptance and a shared love for music. Each month, Martijn went with his father to the Vara-matinee in Amsterdam to listen to concerts. Martijn had a special connection to his mother. Closely related and open, they could share a lot with each other. Together with Marcel they traveled a lot and Marcel became a sort of brother for Marijn.
Even if the relationship with our brother and Noel and sister Elly was problematic when old demons reappeared, the sharp borders softened and Martijn was able to see his brother and sister more and more. Martijn also became more of an uncle interested in his nieces and nephews. There clearly was more space for the other which enabled him to share more of his love.
In his love, Martijn developed into a complete person, able to give and more and more also able to share and receive. He was able to see the other more fully and could give more space. Confrontation became less important. He learned to love himself more and more and through this the other.
If I look at the life of my brother Martijn, I see a person who really lived. He had to walk many different paths. A person who made many journeys and detours, he got to know beautiful experiences, great love and friendships but also pain, fear and alienation. He could be a wonderfully warm person and at times he was hurtful and hard. He loved life and enjoyed it in all its facets. At the same time he was against soulless consumerism. He was the searcher who would not easily run away with an idea, but was searching for the truth, the unique, the original, that what matters in life. He did not forget his fellow men, was politically aware and felt solidarity with the lower class of society, those who have nothing.
Martijn was a case full of contradictions. In the last years, these contradictions got unified more and more and lived next to each other in harmony in the person of Martijn.
This all is why my brother Martijn was a Minsch. I am proud of him and will miss him.
This all is why my brother Martijn was a Minsch. I am proud of him and will miss him.
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