My American 'brothers', David Fey & Michael Putman traveled to Maastricht in late April to offer support and love. They stayed with us for a few days before heading to Amsterdam and back home to Minneapolis. It was a most meaningful visit. David stayed with me for a week when Martijn underwent surgery in October; Michael actually got his very passport and made his very first visit outside North American for this occasion.
Father Carel van Tulder, a retired Jesuit priest, will facilitate the memorial service for Martijn. We've been meeting regularly. Carel is comforting and grounding for us. He is open to our ideas for the service and says he is amazed at how centered we seem to be. We are grateful that he is in our circle.
Werner, Martijn's dear friend from university days, and his partner Henk, spend some time with us a few weeks back.
Therese and Rob Frank enjoy a spot of sun in our courtyard. They go back to Martijn's university days, the same time he knew Werner.
It has been an emotionally draining time for me. Martijn, thankfully, continues to be comfortable, but in the past weeks we've begun to finalize the plans for the memorial service, funeral, and cemetery. In each case there has been a bittersweet poignancy in the activities.
Martijn and I treat each subject with love and respect, even making jokes and being lighthearted. And the various individuals, like Father van Tulder, who are involved fill my heart with gratitude.
Yesterday we chose the location for the memorial service, which will be the stunning St. Jan's Kerk in the literal middle of Maastricht - its center square, the Vrijthof. Both Martijn and I were pleased to learn it is available and has all the features we wanted - central location, beautiful interior, ample seating and excellent musical facilities. Our beloved friend, Herman Rouw, has agreed to play and organize the music. Herman is world class conductor, composer and pianist, but most important, he is our dear friend. He has also agreed to accompany one of my newer friends, Pia Brand, who works with me at ECDPM. Pia has kindly offered to sing the moving song, "Beloved Wife", by Natalie Merchant, a tribute of one spouse to the other. Martijn and I love this song and have agreed it will end the service.
We also selected the location where the Dutch coffee table will take place - the fortress that sits atop Maastricht. This is the typical gathering here that follows the funeral. The church and this fort are places Martijn and I love and so have a lot of meaning. Yesterday we also selected the coffin and today, our dear friend Maurice Schoffelen accompanied me as I drove in my new car share to the cemetery that Martijn asked me to check. It is where his grandfather Martijn Mullens rests. By coincidence the caretaker was available and I was able to secure the spot to the right of his grandfather and grandmother's gravesite. Our good friend, Frank Koekenbaker, "Cookie", visited with Martijn while we made these arrangements.
As you may imagine these are details that must be attended to. And while we are both grateful that Martijn can make the arrangements as he prefers, it has taken all of my equilibrium to do these things with grace.
Tonight, Ursula stopped by with Martijn's favorite newspapers and some special treats from her native Blackforest in Germany, and the wonderful owners of our favorite Maastricht restaurant, Le Courage, prepared and delivered a lovely dinner requested by Martijn - sweetbreads with grilled potatoes and veggies. We feasted as we often do, watching the Australian television series, "McLeod's Daughters". Our poignant plans now underway, hopefully we can enjoy each day that we have left.
