Friday, June 20, 2008

Concert for Martijn


Diva Pia Brand performs a special father's day concert for Martijn at our home. When Pia learned of our situation she offered two things: to sing a special concert to boost Martijn's spirits at our home, and to sing a very special song at his memorial service to hasten his spirit to the other realm. Last Sunday, Father's Day, June 15, 2008, she made good on the first offer. Please join us to see how much Martijn enjoyed his private diva.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Metal Tiger, Water Dragon


Metal Tiger, Water Dragon

I am a Metal Tiger* conceived in passion -
Consumed by it.
You are the Water Dragon** bathed in patience -
Absolved by it.
I pounce, prance and dance.
You coil, roil and boil.
My expression bursts -
Your reflection pools.
My big cat craves approval.
Your mythic reptile shuns it.

How, now, do we blend?

Our courage matches tooth and claw,
Our generosity fills mouth and maw.

Great Dragon fear not
that your fire ignites me.
As your flames now subside
I crave, still, your heat inside.
Come, bring me your scales,
your great tail,
your fearsome mane,
and rest forever in my softer plane. 
My stripes will hide you,
my hide protect you,
my fur soften your journey,
my sharp eye and vast heart 
absorb your winged magnificence.

Until myths and legends lapse,
they will know us wherever
east meets west, yin nestles yang,
and they will understand at last 
that fate our fortunes cast.

*1950, **1952

©2008 MuseRiverProductions
Tiger Susan Schaefer for 
Dragon Martijn Hermse
10 June 2008

Friday, June 06, 2008

Transfusion

Wheels in motion. Courtesy of Dr. Bom, Martijn is transported to our hospital, azM, for a blood transfusion on Thursday, June 5th. The sudden decision came after a look at his low hemoglobin.
Fill 'er Up! The transfusion took almost 6 hours. The hoped for outcome is renewed energy. Martijn's life quality has declined precipitously since the thrombosis occurred on May 17th. He can no longer walk. He is much much weaker overall. Because he doesn't choose to ramp up his pain medicine, totally his own choice, his discomfort is obvious. It is so understandable that he doesn't wish to lose any more 'control' which he thinks will happen with increased pain medication. Yet, his trusted advisors tell him that the new pain 'patches' administer low enough doses so that he can control, to an extent, the result. 

We have been blessed by a rally of care. Thanks to Alied [Aah-LEET], my therapist, I got the courage to ask for more help from our circle here. Now, we have dinner brought almost every night by a cadre of dear friends. Monday night Audrey Sondijker, our dear friend and neighbor comes; Tuesday, Alied or Finny (another neighbor and Toon Hermans Huis volunteer) bring food prepared by Alex the chef of Toon Hermans house; Wednesday has been dinner and a movie with our dear Maurice Schoffelen for a while now; Thusday, Ursula has plied her skills and Martijn loves her German potato salad; Friday Casey and Jerome will be food angels.Geri and Marcel have been coming with dinner every Sunday.  

Ingrid Regout has offered to come on request if she is available, and Martijn's brother Janus and sister, Elly, are trying to alternate Tuesdays. 

For me, some very old high school friends have appeared via internet bringing strong and comforting connections that only such deep history with one another can provide. Most especially from my good buddy, Deb Cohen-Mersky, whose beloved husband, Marty, died suddenly last year. Many of my beloved friends from Philadelphia High School for Girls, aka, Girls High, have been keeping in touch with me since I had to cancel attending our class 40th reunion last year. Through Deb's contact and connection a new meaning to our shared history has emerged. 

To all my/our angels, near and far, old and new, we extend gratitude that simply doesn't translate well on these pages. But please know and accept that we feel, truly feel, the outpouring of love and support from you. As Martijn continues to say, "I do not feel alone on this journey." We, neither of us, feel alone. This is what is meant by connection. Thank you. Heartfelt thank you.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

13 years ago today

A quiet cuddle to celebrate our 13th year anniversary of meeting after the many visits of the past days. This is how we used to fall asleep every night - tell me, what could replace this?
Today we met Helena and knew what divinity means. Dear friend, artist and magus, Sebastian Holzhuber, brought along his muse, to help us celebrate our 13th year anniversary of meeting. Martijn was one of Sebastian's earliest models for his unique tribal art works. He brought Martijn a book of his collected works including the 'banquet series' where Martijn first posed.  Sebastian conducts rituals to help individuals make transitions through art and creativity.  
Yvonne, Dorothé , Fulco, and Aad flank Martijn. These friends go back 30 years to when Martijn was a member of the Pax Christie walking group. Last year Aad and Martijn helped to arrange a 30 year anniversary for their group and were astounded and pleased when everyone showed up!

Martijn and I met at his apartment in the Eastern Haborlands of Amsterdam 13 years ago today on June 1st. It's a wonderful story of coincidence and irony that forged a bond that's not been broken since that day. An important link in our chain is the Chizek/Frederick families of Iowa. Rob Chizek was my best friend during this time of my life and through me he ended up staying with Martijn. When I arrived in Amsterdam Rob and I stayed at Martijn's flat. The very first week I was there Rob's sister Nancy Frederick, husband David and then teenage children, Tanna and Nate, arrived for their first trip ever to Europe. We held a two-day party at Martijn's. Nancy wrote to us this evening. Here is her account of those days:

Dear Suze and Martijn,

Suzie, your poem was absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing it.

I have been wanting to write both of you for some time to tell you how much you are in my thoughts and in my heart. I love your blog site........it is so wonderful for me to know what is happening in your lives and all of your thoughts and feelings as you pass through these transitions. Again, I thank you for being so generous as to share yourselves with me.

Though our paths have crossed only occasionally in the last few years, I still think about the memories I have with the two of you and I will embrace those forever.

Martijn, I still think about how kind and warm you were to open up your home and your heart to David, Tanna, Nathaniel and I when we came to Amsterdam! I remember you greeting us at the door of your "flat" in Amsterdam and giving us those wonderful, cozy slippers to wear...I felt so nurtured and welcome. And how you provided a wonderful party for us and we drank every bottle of wine you owned and had a marvelous time! I remember eating the herring and you showing us how to let them slide down our throats and them follow them with a bit of spirits. And I remember how you graciously escorted us on the bus back to our hotel at 5 am because you were concerned we wouldn't be able to find our way back on our own.......which was very true. And I will never forget how your little Suzie frog looked at you that night at the party and exclaimed, "You look like someone I could have really gone for in the 60's!" (or something to that effect). Anyway, that seemed to be the beginning of your beautiful relationship...it was wonderful to be a part of that. Thank you.

Something else that I wanted to tell you Martijn is that I don't think in my 57 years of life that I have met a person as warm and caring and gentle as you....you epitomize what Abraham Maslow would describe as "self-actualized". I have always wanted to be able to honor someone with that term of "self-actualization" and now I can. Of course you are also very humble so will not accept the title......but to me the title is yours. I thank you for sharing your beautiful mind and spirit with me and all of my family over the years, Martijn...how very fortunate for us to have had you in our lives!

May this precious time that you and Suzie are sharing be filled with the splendor of life and the tenderness of love!

Please take care.

Much love and admiration,

Nancy

Nancy, thank you for the best anniversary gift of all.